ady's space

Happy New Year!

2011-01-03T10:30:00.000-08:00

I am not much of a resolutions person.

This year, though, I am going to try something new. I am not going to make resolutions, per se, but have goals I would like to accomplish. These aren't the things that popped up as a new year approached, but things I have been thinking about and working toward for a while now.

In early 2010, I found myself wanting more space in our house because I was feeling overwhelmed. At some point, it clicked in my head that it wasn't that we didn't have enough space, but that we had too much stuff. I spent a lot of the year reorganizing closets, giving away stuff we didn't use, and reducing our possessions in general. The biggest one for me was to make a list of the clothes that I need to have and to get rid of the excess. I have that list taped to the inside of my dresser and I try to revisit it now and then. It feels so good to not be weighed down by my stuff.

To go along with the progress I made in 2010, I want to be less of a consumer in 2011. That is really hard to do. I hate not getting stuff when I want it, but really, I don't need it. I will replace things (shoes, clothes, etc) as they are outgrown or beyond repair, but I really don't want to add to the stuff we have in the house.

Another goal is to be more "on the ball." This is harder to describe because it is more of a feeling. I feel like I am just not as sharp as I used to be. I coast through a lot of stuff because I can. I think there are a lot of things that will help me be mentally sharp (more exercise, more sleep, etc.), but I also think that some of it is just getting out of that pattern.

Two goals - less stuff and being sharper. That doesn't sound so bad.

Change in Operations

2010-10-11T21:21:00.000-07:00

I have been working 25 hours a week since I returned to work after my maternity leave with Sam. It was perfect for me. I still maintained my presence in the office, but I got to be home with Sam. I had the support of my coworkers and family. I will be forever thankful that I had the opportunity to do this.

It wasn't easy and I often felt torn between work and home. Toward the end of my pregnancy with Rae, I started getting a lot of pressure to do more. A lot of that was my own drive to advance my career and some of it was from work.

My maternity leave with Rae started just about when the economy really started to dive around here. It was a blessing because my company didn't have to pay me while I sat around the office being unproductive, but it was also a bit of a curse because they learned to operate without me.

Since I've been back, the pressure seems to have increased, but I also felt disconnected from my core group. There is a lot of pressure to do work on projects, but additional pressure to bring in work on my own, especially if I want to advance. All of this combined with my little boy that wants to be at school 4 days a week and a little girl that is very flexible has made me realize that I could go back 4 days a week. So I am.

As I started asking around about it, I was pleasantly surprised by the reactions. I expected that my immediate supervisor was going to have to think about it or even ask to try it on a trial basis to make sure that I could stay chargeable enough. Nope, she said yes immediately. She thinks it is a great move.

I've also talked to another couple of working moms in the office, especially those with older kids, and found out that they are also back at 4 days a week and find that with the older kids (or very laid back second kid, like Rae is) it is a better balance to be in the office 4 days a week.

Side note here: There is something about the culture of my company that basically expects a new mom to take 4 to 6 months off and come back at 25 hrs. It is a wonderful thing for a new mom that isn't sure what she wants to do, but it is strange because of the expectation that comes along with it. The moms that don't do the 4-6 months + 25 hrs a week, while not frowned upon, are definitely looked at with the "oh I am sorry you can't manage it" face, not thinking that it might be her choice.

I've done a lot of soul searching with this decision. At one point, I thought of just tossing it all in and staying home with the kids full time, but I knew that my sanity wouldn't let that happen. I worry that I am being totally selfish. I worry that Rae will look back at this time and wonder why I didn't give her a full 2 years of being home 2 days a week with me. I worry that if something happens to Rae, I will kick myself for not being home with her. Basically all the mommy guilt I have with working, only magnified. Somewhere along the way, I realized that a) she is very laid back and loves daycare, so I am probably not going to emotionally scar her and b) Sam needs for things to be equal between him and Rae, which means being at school at the same time.

So here we are. I am about to embark on returning to work 4 days a week. I am excited to have an extra 7 hours a week to hopefully relieve some of the pressure and do some of the things I need to move up in the company. Honestly, it just feels right. I am excited to be able to take a real lunch and not work through, scarfing down my food so I can cram 25 hrs into 3 days. I am looking at doing a combination of busing/biking into the office next summer because I can make it work with our schedule. I have no idea how I will manage work, kids, the house, and life, but I know we will make it work.

I also know that for a long time, I won't have more than 32 hours, at least through elementary school, so that I can be home with the kids before and after school. It means I will have to build my career on 32 hours a week and that starts now (well technically Oct 25).

Happy 1st Birthday, Rachel!

2010-10-06T06:51:00.001-07:00

I can't believe it has been a year since Rachel came into our lives. She arrived at a time when I needed her the most. While she will never know my dad, at least he got to meet her.

I am so happy to be Rae's mom. She is just a fun little girl. She is very adaptable, but still strong-willed. She is so much like her brother, but so very different. She has a lot of spirit and keeps me on my toes, but does it in a fun way.

At one year, Rae weighed in at 22 lbs, 4 oz and measured 31 inches. Or as her pediatrician put it - She's the size of a skinny 18 month old. She's a good eater and has completely given up bottles (of her own doing). She still loves her pacifier, though. :) She loves to eat meat, cheese, and fruit, or anything sweet really. Pasta, bread, and veggies are ok, but she will devour the other things first.

She's not walking yet, but I am ok with that. She's very close and for now I am enjoying being faster than her. She does point and say "this" or "that" when she wants something or wants to know what something is. She has a handful of other words - dada, bra (brother), Sa (Sam), day-de (sadie), dag (dog), mah (milk). However, she doesn't use these consistently. We're pretty good at interpreting what she wants though. She has started taking an interest in coloring and stealing her brother's toys, so I think it will be an interesting winter. :)

I can't imagine my world without Rae and I am so happy she is part of it.

Rachel, from my perspective

2010-08-29T08:10:00.001-07:00

It has taken me a while to write this post partly because we are insanely busy with life and partly because I needed to have time get to know Rae a little better. I got the opportunity this month when my mom, Rae and I went to Wisconsin for my cousins wedding and to visit family. This is the first time I was able to spend an extended period of time with Rae, without the influence of Sam. It was eyeopening.

Rae has always been an easy going baby and that hasn't changed. She was so good on most of the trip, considering we were moving hotels almost every night and meeting people that she had maybe seen one other time in her life. She was the happy, cute baby that everyone loved, though she would get fussy if we kept her up too late, but the girl loves to sleep, so I can't fault her for that.

What seems to have come through the most is that Rae has a little mischievous streak. Not a bad one, just enough to keep it interesting. Her favorite game while we were away was to crawl away from mommy on the bed while getting her diaper changed. As soon as the diaper was off, she was crawling to the opposite side of the bed, stopping only long enough to look at me, smile and make sure I was chasing her. The look on her face was priceless - a little mischievous grin that melted your heart. I have to admit, it was fun. After the first round of this game, I started noticing that smile in other places - when she was going after shoes left on the floor, taking her cousins' toys, or reaching for a book just out of her grasp. YY calls her the "little cupcake baked by the devil" (a nod to all my Blacker peeps!) and it really seems to fit.

She seems to be a water lover. She is very relaxed in the water and is happy just floating around while I hold her. If she isn't in the water, she is splashing in it. She loves to crawl along the steps and sit and splash. I think she will be my water baby. :)

She is very dramatic and loves to cuddle. She already has a favorite lovey for sleeping and if we would let her, she would have a pacifier in her mouth all day long.

Rae is a very good verbal mimic, but it hasn't gone much past mimicking what someone in the family is saying. On this trip, things changed. First off she started using her sign language a lot. She can clearly do signs for "all done" and "more" and my mom saw her sign "milk" while waiting for me to mix up her bottle. She has also started using a few words, though still pretty randomly. The most consistent is Mah for milk. I wouldn't call any of this her first word, but it is getting close. (I think the first will be No. She has started saying chains of Nah, Nah, Nah when she doesn't want something and will shake her head no.) The funny thing is that now that we are home, she stopped signing, other than when she is REALLY all done with eating or when she REALLY doesn't want to do something. I don't know if it is because Sam doesn't use them or because she has three people to interpret her needs at home.

The other thing about Rae is that she really wants to be like Sam, but it isn't obvious. She didn't start crawling or sitting or walking early just to be like him. However, she gave up pureed foods around 7 months and bottles at 10 months. She is very good at making sure we pay attention to her as well as Sam by squealing and babbling away. Now that Rae can go where Sam goes, she is often following him around. She doesn't even seem close to walking at this point, being quite happy to keep up with Sam by crawling after him. Although, I have a funny feeling that when she does decide to walk, she will be good at it and run soon after.

Rae is definitely her own self. I don't feel like I have a carbon copy of Sam. It is fun; it keeps us on our toes. I am very excited to see how she changes and develops as the years go on. I foresee lots of drama, but I also see lots of love.

Bye Bye, iPod Touch

2010-06-17T07:02:00.000-07:00

I've had my iPod Touch, 1st generation for a long time now. I loved that thing. When I was working in the city it was my companion on bus rides, and it played hours of music in my office.

It has not died; it has been replaced.

For the longest time, I was very anti-smartphone. "I don't need to be that connected." "As long as one of us has gps, why do we both need it?"I could go on.

Then with the advent of the social networks and more importantly, my participation in them, I started to wish I could post things on the fly. So the iPhone was right for me, right? Well no.

As much as I love my Touch, and I am sure I would love the iPhone, I don't love AT&T. I just could not get past the monthly cost for an iPhone. Considering my service was just as good as T-mobile, why should I pay more just to have the iPhone?

So I waited, and waited, and waited. I suffered through broken phones. At the end, I used YY's spare phone that takes pictures of your pocket all day.

Now, I have a shiny new EVO on Sprint. It has everything I need: phone, gps, camera, email (personal and work), Pandora, social network access, internet access and SO much more. Being able to access work email all the time is nice, and I rarely open my laptop on days that I am home with the kids. I am really happy with the Android platform, though it took me a few days to get used to the fact that I could customize things way more than on my iPod Touch. The best part? I am not paying an arm and a leg for all of it.

So my iPod Touch, which is starting to get hot when I use it, which probably means that my battery is starting the slow death, sits on my bedside table. I tried to take it with me to work for the first few weeks, but I was just annoyed at having to carry two devices, one of which I didn't use.

It has been good to me, but sadly it has been replaced.

(On a side note, the Touch will continue to stick around because it is perfect for long trips with Sam. He can watch movies on it and I have a few games for him.)

Testing

2010-06-08T19:59:00.001-07:00

I have my first "smartphone". I have no idea if that means I will post on my blog more. I am guessing that if I do, the posts will be short. And full errors until I either get the hang of autocorrect or I proof read more.

I can however post pictures of the kiddos!

Sam, from My Perspective

2010-05-21T09:28:00.001-07:00

Sam is in the "Terrible Threes", which most days are great. (Shhh, don't tell anyone I said that.) He can be a handful at times, but is mostly still that great little boy. However he has very clear opinions and will melt down if he can't figure out why you don't understand hem. We've found that often getting him to try and talk through things really helps. It has also had a side benefit - Sam comes up with these long sentences that make him sound like a kid. Gone (mostly) are the days of "Up, please" or "More milk, please." Now we have "I would like to listen to Little Square Wheels, please." It still amazes us, and I know that it means my boy is growing up.

While the changes in Sam are less frequent than they used to be, they seem to be more profound. Do you know how amazing it is to hear your child read their first word? It is pretty cool. Sam is only reading four words that we know of (go, so, up, and down), but he's really understanding the concept. He is understanding rhyming and that letters make sounds, which you put together to get words. Also, Sam will sit through long stories and stories with few pictures. He still wants to look at the book, but it is so much fun to read to him at night now that our library has expanded.

Physically, Sam is over 40" tall. We know this because we took him to Disneyland and he was able to ride Space Mountain and Big Thunder Railroad, which all require you to be at least 40" tall. He is really into kicking balls and hitting balls (soccer and/or tee-ball are in our future, I think). He loves to jump over things and from one thing to the next. He rides a bike with training wheels and loves to race his daddy. He's obsessed with being able to do a headstand and is starting to hang upside down from the jungle gym.

We just got the notice from daycare that Sam will be transitioning into preschool at the end of June. It is a huge change for all of us. We will no longer be getting daily reports of his activities and will rely on him to tell us what he did that day. We aren't sure how different things will be in the new room from the one he is in now, but I am sad to have him leave the wonderful place that Miss Dawna and Miss Lori have created for him. They have been so great at letting Sam grow, but protecting him when he needs it. Sam really came into his personality with them - he's the popular kid, great at initiating play, shares his toys, and rarely fights. He often comes home with a reward from the teachers (usually some playdough or a small toy) for being good, listening and following the rules.

I am scared to see my baby move off to preschool, but I am so proud of him in so many ways.

Happy 3rd Birthday, Sam!

2010-02-15T08:35:00.000-08:00

What a year it has been!

Going from 2 to 3 is supposed to be tough and while we had our rough moments, I really felt like we kind of cruised through the last year.

Physically, he just looks like a kid, not a baby or toddler. He gained so much muscle this year with all his running and jumping and climbing and dancing and bike riding. (The kid moves, a lot!) He never had much extra fat in the first place, but now he is a very lean little boy. He's tall enough that I can dress him in big kids clothes, but I have to make sure to buy the "slim" fit. Even then I still have to buy pants with an adjustable waist.

In the last year he has learned to ride a tricycle, a bicycle (with training wheels) and has ditched the stroller. He walks or runs pretty much everywhere - around the zoo, at the farmer's market, out for family walks. It is great. The only time I put him in the double stroller is when I want to get a little extra exercise or when we need to get somewhere quickly.

He was fully potty trained (even at night) by 28 months, and it was a breeze. I take no credit in potty training him because he did it all. He decided when to start, when to hold steady for a while, and when to just be in underwear. The only thing we might have taken some credit for is realizing that he needed some privacy. We might have called him potty trained sooner, but we were a little nervous about jinxing the whole thing.

His love of books has exploded in the last year, along with his imagination and speech. Sam can sit and read books with you for an hour, by himself for about 30 minutes. Not only do we read to him, but he will read to us. He loves my old Sesame Street books and has memorized quite a few. He incorporates those storylines in to his imaginative play, too. I think his favorite game is "fireman", but he also loves to "camp" and put us to bed. He has his first official imaginary friend, "Miner" who helps Sam rescue people. It is so fun to sit back and watch him play or get down on the floor and play with him. We were a little worried about his speech, but in true Sam form, one day he just started talking like a big kid. He has evolved from talking in phrases to sentences to paragraphs.

Of course the biggest change for Sam this year was the birth of his little sister. He had a rough adjustment period (waking up at night, some potty regression), but we got through most of that pretty quickly. He is still having some trouble with extra whining, since he has realized that we respond to Rae when she cries, but we're working on that and have seen some huge steps forward in that area. As part of his role as a big kid, Sam now picks up his toys at night, cleans his room (with my help) once a week, and helps with other various chores around the house when he wants.

He is turning into such a big kid that sometimes it makes me sad and miss my little guy, but mostly I am one proud momma.

Clean, Purge, Simplify

2010-02-06T19:06:00.000-08:00

I don't know what it is, but I have had the overwhelming desire to simplify my life. I think a lot of it has to do with my impending (well 1.5 months away) return to work. I know from my experience with Sam that the return to work is a rough adjustment. I go from having 84 hrs a week to play with the kids, spend with Yifan, cook dinner and clean to 25 hrs a week to get 40 hrs of work done and another 59 hrs a week to play with the kids, spend time with Yifan, cook dinner and clean. That's a 26% reduction in my time. Since I don't want to take away time from my family that means I have a lot less time to cook and clean.

I know when I go back to work that Yifan will help pick up the slack, particularly with cooking. (Yes, I am blessed with a husband that knows his way around a kitchen. I might even say that he is a better cook than me.) However, I know that I need to make up for the time that is taken away from home.

I usually just let things slide, but this time, for some reason, I am just not ready to do that. So here I am purging the junk out of the house and setting up a schedule of things to do each day to keep the house clean. We've put away a rug that never seems to be free of dog hair. I've put away glasses that were just collecting dust. I've pulled out clothes to donate because I will never wear them again. I am putting baby things that Rae has outgrown in the attic. I've started having Sam and I clean the bedrooms on Thursday mornings before we go to the library.

So how will it work out? I have no clue. Ask me again in June when my desire to take the kids outside almost always outweighs my desire to keep the house clean.

Hello, 2010

2009-12-31T17:26:00.000-08:00

Our NPR station runs a show that was requesting haiku poems that describe your 2009. Here's what I would have entered:

The birth of my girl
and the death of my father
The Circle of Life

Overall, I would say that 2009 was kind of a meh year. We had some really great moments (Rachel's birth and an amazing summer with Sam) and some not so great ones (hanging onto my job, but with no raise for me, and my dad getting sick and his eventual death).

Right now the end of the year is kind of overshadowing how I feel about the entire year. Being a scientist I decided I needed a larger sample set. How has the decade really treated me?

I graduated from college;
went to grad school;
moved to Seattle and fell in love with it;
got engaged and married;
bought my house;
got a real job and kept it;
traveled a lot (Australia, China, Indonesia, Mexico and Carribean, Canada, Hawaii, across the US twice);
adopted two dogs;
had my family move to be near us;
got my professional engineer license;
had my aunt, grandmother, uncle, and father die;
made some great friends and kept the old ones;
had two kids; and
turned 30.

Ups and downs, sure, but overall I think it might have been a pretty good decade overall.

One Month

2009-12-22T10:34:00.000-08:00

It has been one month since my dad died. I had this grand idea of writing a post about how we are all doing, but I don't have it in me. We're all still adjusting, including Sam, who told me last night that he was scared I was going to die because I was sick, too.

Instead, I am going to post some pictures of my kids with their Gramps. This is how I want to remember him.

The Second Time Mom

2009-12-18T18:46:00.000-08:00

As a second time mom, I face all the typical stuff - taking fewer pictures, making one child wait while I tend to the other child, comparing the two children, etc. There are a few things that caught me by surprise though.

As a first time mom, I remember hearing that we should savor the time we have when they are infants. I had a really hard time with this. I don't know if it was because Sam was a difficult baby or because I was so impatient, wanting to see what he could do next. With Rae, I don't seem to have this problem. She hasn't rolled over yet, even though other babies her age are rolling? No problem, she'll do it eventually. Instead, I love having conversations with my chatty girl in baby speak. I love her gummy smiles after I nurse her. I love how she throws her legs in the air and giggles when I take her diaper off.

I try find the time each day to just soak in Rae in her infant stage. She's definitely an easier baby than Sam was, but even on those tough days, I find myself just reveling in her current state of being. I don't want her to grow up too fast or too slow. I just want her to be Rae.

I also find that because I am more confident in my parenting abilities (Sam's turning out to be a pretty great kid, if I do say so myself), I am not agonizing over decisions. A lot of these were things we already went through with Sam, so that is part of it, but there are things that we're doing differently. We're still cloth diapering, vaccinating, and sending her to daycare. However, we're working on that whole "fall asleep on your own" thing a little earlier. (Part of that is Rae though, she just doesn't want to be rocked to sleep and fights sleep if we try to cuddle her when she's tired.)

I also have NO interest in "Mommy Wars". I have made peace with my parenting choices and I feel no need to defend myself or judge others for their choices. I know which topics will start a fight and steer clear.

Being a second time mom has already held plenty of surprises and I am sure there are plenty more.

This Week

2009-11-26T22:11:00.000-08:00

This week, I was supposed to:
Visit nursing homes for my dad with my mom.
Make pie crusts for pumpkn pie.
Make an apple pie to freeze.
Bake bread.
Have a playdate with my friend.
Visit the office and fill out my leave of absence paperwork.
Clean the house a little.
Have an early Thanksgiving dinner so my mom could take some to my dad.
Make plans to take Sam and Rachel to visit my dad in the nursing home.
Do a little Christmas shopping.

This is what I did do:
Bought new outfits for the kids and myself and helped my mom find a new dress and pants for my brother.
Ate a lot of fast food.
Bought a lot of food.
Cleaned my house a lot.
Cleaned my mom's house.
Made funeral arrangements with my mom.
Visited my dad right after he died.
Cried, a lot.

This is what I still have to do:
Have a "happy" Thanksgiving.
Finish cleaning my house.
Welcome some family into town.
Buy flowers and more food.
Explain to my son that on Saturday, he will see Gramps one last time, but that Gramps won't be able to talk to him or look at him.
Attend my dad's funeral.
Cry some more.

It has been a really crappy week.

Welcome Rachel!

2009-10-12T15:27:00.000-07:00

Rachel Leyi was born on October 2, 2009 at 5:22 pm, after about 15 hrs of labor and just a few pushes. She weighed in at 8 lbs, 15 oz (just 2 oz more than her brother) and was 20 inches long.

I hesitate to write this down, because I am sure that as soon as I do, things will change, but so far things are going great. Rachel is very easy going - eating and sleeping well, as well as can be expected for a 10 day old.

We're very excited to have her as a part of the family. Sam adores her. I no longer get hugs first thing when he walks in the door. Now it is "Where's my baby sister? Where's Rachel?"

Hopefully it stays this way.

And for anyone that was wondering, being on Team Green (i.e. not knowing the sex of the baby before delivery) was one of the hardest things I did, but it was so worth it. I got one of the best moments of my life out of it. I got to tell the world that she was a girl. I will never forget that moment.

almost there

2009-09-28T06:23:00.000-07:00

39 weeks, 6 days.

Tomorrow is my due date.

I am still pregnant.

And now for an "awwwww" story:

Sam and I were outside watching the painters work on the house. One of the neighbor girls came over to talk about the new colors, and Sam being Sam started to get defensive. No not over the colors, because I am his mommy.

"This is my mommy."

So I looked at Sam and said "Yes I am your mommy, but you know, pretty soon, you will have to share me with the new baby."

Sam's reply "Why-a?"

"Because I will be his or her mommy, too."

Sam paused for a few seconds, looked at my belly and said "That's ok. I like her." and proceeded to hug my belly. Awwwwwwwwwww.

(He always refers to the baby as her, unless you ask him directly if it is a girl or a boy. Some days he says boy, other days he says girl.)

And then there was one...

2009-08-28T09:11:00.000-07:00

I am officially the last pregnant lady waddling through the hallways of the office. My other two coworkers have officially started their maternity leaves. Now it is just a "race" to see who will have the baby first. Mom #1 was due August 24 and will be induced August 31 if the baby doesn't arrive by then. Mom #2 isn't due until September 9, but has a strong family history of going early.

Surprise!

2009-08-24T12:15:00.000-07:00

This weekend was one of those weekends where everything went right. I'll be honest, I was pretty cranky and tired most of the weekend (my first trimester nausea seems to have kicked back in, but is appeased by grilled cheese, or anything with melted cheese on it), but the events of the weekend just shined through!

Thursday and Friday were tough because I was in panic mode over getting ready for the baby, not sleeping well due to weird dreams and contractions, Sam was being a handful, and work is getting a little crazy again. But I was really looking forward to Saturday and Sunday.

On Saturday, we had planned two things - a visit to the hospital/birth center where the baby will be born and shopping for some of the last things I felt I absolutely needed to buy before the baby was born. On Sunday, I had a prenatal massage scheduled. What I didn't know about was something planned for Saturday night.

The tour of the hospital was good, but it definitely drug up some emotions about Sam's birth. It was nice to go back and remember that I feel safe there, though, which is the feeling I walked out with. I also remember to pre-register for the hospital.

We had my mom babysit for the tour, since it was supposed to be Adults Only, and shopping. It was so nice to have just YY and I out running errands. It wasn't anything particularly fun (though I did get a new purse), but it was so nice to have it just be me and him. Plus everything got done about 2 times faster than normal.

We got home just about the same time that Sam woke up from his nap. YY had mentioned that since it wasn't so hot, he wanted to go for a bike ride this weekend. I suggested that he take Sam with him, but he didn't want to. I couldn't really say no, I figured that he won't get to do too much biking until next spring. Plus he promised to bring dinner home.

While at the park, I got a phone call from YY. It went like this:

YY: We have a problem.
Me: Is Matt's closed? (side bar - Matt's, where he was going to get dinner, has been closed in the past during one of these biking/dinner excursions)
YY: No it is bigger than that. My chain broke.
Me: Ok, I guess you need me to come get you? Can I just bring the Civic?
YY: Well if the car seat wasn't in there, I would say yes.
Me: Well, you're just gonna have to wait for me to get Sam, get home, get the rack on the Xterra, and leave. It is going to take a while. (another side bar - to be fair, the bike rack is heavy and I am almost 35 weeks pregnant, hence the grumbling)
YY: Well the good news is that I was planning to bike next week, so I have already put the rack on.
Me: Oh ok, I guess that's fine then. Let me get Sam.
YY: Wait don't you want to know where I am? I am at Alki at the far end, near the Statue.
Me: Alki? Why?
YY: I was going to make a loop there then stop by Matt's on the way home.
Me: Ok, see you soon.

So I pull Sam away from the playground, which was easier than expected when I told him we had to go rescue Daddy. Went home, made the car switch, and headed to Alki.

Alki, for those that don't know is one of more visited Seattle beaches. It is ALWAYS busy. So I am sitting in traffic, grumbling because I had to come and get YY, trying to keep Sam happy and answering twenty gazillion questions about WHY we were rescuing Daddy, and trying to figure out how I can convince a sweaty YY to go out to dinner at Alki, since we were already there and where this pregnant lady wanted to eat.

We finally get to the far end and there is YY standing on the side of the road in his regular clothes without his bik. I was a little confused, but figured that he had brought them for going to Matt's or something (which looking back should have been a clue). I pulled over and asked where his bike was and he told me to get out because they were having a surprise baby shower for me!

I couldn't believe it. In fact, I didn't believe it at first, then I saw my friends at the picnic table.

It was great, and totally what I wanted. Totally low key, no big expensive gifts. My close friends and just fun. The only not so great part was that YY neglected to bring sweat shirts for Sam or I, but someone else had brought blankets, so it worked out.

I left there feeling very loved and still totally in shock that they had pulled this surprise off. I don't know how they did it (I am really hard to surprise), but they did.

I heard it on NPR

2009-08-12T07:21:00.000-07:00

I don't get to listen to NPR much these days because my radio time was always in the car.

Today, I had to go to the other office, so I gladly turned off the Mr. Doug CD and turned on NPR. I got to hear this story - Earth Science From The Sky.

Now this fascinates me for two reasons:
#1 It is related, in general, to my field of work
#2 The concept behind the program is to encourage students to enter the field of Earth sciences as researchers, solving the future problems of rising ocean temperatures, new pollutants, etc.

So I listen intently, well as intently as I can while driving.

The whole story is about how they are taking graduate students into a plane to perform experiments. Not mock ups of experiments, but real experiments, like real scientists.

This made me go "hmmm..." When I was an undergraduate, I was encouraged to do my own research, working with a professor, of course. When I elected to do research over the summer after my sophomore year, I was behind the pack as most students had done research projects the year before. I was in charge of designing the experiment, setting it up, running it, and analyzing the data. It was up to me to do the work - I was doing real research that a real scientist would do. Many of my friends published papers based on their summer research.

So this led me to think, is this something special about Caltech? I know in our Info Sessions, we stress that you can do research with professors while you are an undergrad. I guess I just always assumed that you could do that at other places, too.

Then I heard these students - graduate students, remember - and they sounded exactly like I did when I was talking about my research, just a little older and a little more articulate.

I guess this is why we have so many students going on to get their PhD's, because Caltech encourages students to engage in research at the beginning of their education, and not as a skill to be learn at the end?

(For the record, I am one of the small percentage that didn't go on to get my PhD. For my field, I would be pretty much unemployable, except in academia, if I had a PhD. So doing research so early on doesn't mean that you will get a PhD, it just might help encourage you on that path.)

Pregnancy Stuff

2009-07-06T07:30:00.001-07:00

So I am almost 28 weeks, almost in my third trimester. I can't believe it. The second trimester just flew by!

I am finally ready to start prepping for this baby's arrival. After tons of fruitless searching, I decided to make my own crib skirt (material cost = $30, cost to have someone custom make it = $100 minimum) and curtains for the baby's room. I've ordered the wall stickers (no repainting this time) and finally found the crib sheets I wanted, without buying the entire crib set. My mom has plans for a room decoration, and we'll buy the pieces when we go to Vancouver in August.

We've convinced my in-laws to take the giant conference room table out of our basement for their new house. I am getting a new sewing table, made from extra wood in the garage and $5 table legs from Ikea. We purchased a toy storage unit (also from Ikea) for the toys that are stored in the basement. I would still like to clean out the closet so guests can use it, but I am not going to push that one. We'll have some friends help us move the futon down to the basement after the in-laws leave. It is all slowly coming together.

Once that is done, I will be happy to start washing clothes and getting things out for the baby. I seem to have been on hold mode for a long time and it feels good to be in action mode. :)

Other stuff - This has been an interesting pregnancy overall, maybe because it is the second time around or maybe it is because it is just different. My weight gain is FANTASTIC this time around. I have that baby belly that just sits on the front of me. I am a bit bigger in the hips, but not much. I just had lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in months and she thought I looked great. :D

I am loving that the hair on my legs is growing super slow - even in the summer, I am only having to shave once a week! I am wearing skits all the time, which rocks. I do wear shorts or jeans if I am going to be out with Sam at a playground or doing a lot of walking. Skirts and dresses are so much more comfortable right now.

The heat is hard to take, but swimming seems to be the cure all for that. I wish we had a closer pool, but I will take what I can get. We rotate between going to my parent's house and swimming in their complex's pool, going to the beach on the really hot days because the lake is really cold, and going to public pools where we have to pay to swim and the swimming times aren't that great for us. I love being in the water though, so I am willing to pay or schlep myself all over the area.

That's about it for now. I am sure there will be plenty of posts full of me complaining about being pregnant in the coming months. :)

Bus Musings

2009-06-17T08:35:00.000-07:00

So I've been taking the bus to work for almost a year now. (I can't believe it has been that long!) I am still enjoying it, for the most part. I have my schedule worked out, but know how I can change it up if I need to run an errand downtown, go to the doctor, or if I just want to go home early (or late, boo!). I even figured out all the complexities of transfers and the "Ride Free" zone.

I've learned some interesting tidbits about the bus system from my afternoon bus driver. Every few months, they rearrange the bus drivers' routes, except for a few people (like my afternoon bus driver). The concept is that the more drivers that know more routes, the less chance that they have to stick a newbie driver on a route in an emergency. This explains why I can see the same driver just long enough for them to learn to recognize me before they disappear. I also found out that buses aren't considered late until they arrive 10 mins after their scheduled departure time. This was hard for me to grasp because 10 mins can mean being late for work or not for a lot of people.

My favorite thing to do on the bus (besides play solitaire on the iPod Touch) is to people watch. It is quite interesting to see who rides the bus and what their riding style is. I've heard some rather interesting conversations (some I didn't want to hear).

I've decided there are three kinds of riders:
1. Those that don't want to sit next to anyone unless they have to, so they jump seats as soon as one where they can sit alone opens up.
2. Those that don't care where they sit and will sit anywhere.
3. Those that think that moving up a seat or two, when it comes open will provide them with better positioning. (for getting off the bus? I am not clear why, to be honest.)

I am rider of the #1 style, BTW. I like my personal space, but I would rather sit than stand the entire ride, so I will sit next to someone and let someone sit next to me. I do get a little aggravated when a seat opens up, and the person on the aisle seat next to me won't move. :)

My bus ride home is an "express" route, so you get a lot of people that are on the bus for quite some time. I get on at the first stop, and off at the first stop in the "express portion" of the route. (The bus goes through that pesky "Ride Free" zone, which means that it stops all through downtown.) This means that I get my pick of seats when I get on and sit by the window, leaving the aisle seat open for someone else. Lately, by about the third stop on the route, I have someone sitting next to me. Fine no biggie, unless a) I have to wake the person up to get off the bus by physically touching them or b) they won't move out of the seat to let me off the bus.

The second one really drives me batty. (Well so does the first because I don't want to invade their personal space, but if you fall asleep enough that I have to touch you, that's your problem.) I am 6 months pregnant, just sliding over or swinging your feet around is not enough room for me to get out of the seat without me smacking you in the face with my belly or my butt. I had to ask a lady three times yesterday to move. Ugh. I know I am not the most obviously pregnant person in the world when I sit down and have my bag on my lap, but when I have to say "Can you please get up because I won't fit?" it makes me feel like crap. I think it is time to take one of the seats along the side of the bus.

Otherwise, I am feeling good about the whole bus thing. When I am back from maternity leave (and not dragging a pump with me), I plan to start biking home from work, which means taking the bike on the bus in the morning. That will be a new adventure!

17 weeks left!

2009-05-31T14:09:00.000-07:00

Eek! Seriously, I go between freaking out about how little time there is left and how much time we have to do the little we need to do for the new baby.

I don't know if it is because this is the second kid, because Sam is already in a toddler bed and pretty much potty trained, or because we don't know the sex, but everything seemed to be so much easier this time. Here's what we have to do in preparation:

1. Clean the basement out in preparation for changing it to the guest room.
2. Move furniture to the basement.
3. Set up the nursery.
4. Make the baby blanket.
5. Finish one pair of longies.
6. Get some newborn/size small diapers. (I've already gotten three, so I am doing better there than I thought. I have them picked out already, I just have to buy them.)
7. Shop for "coming home" outfits (one for a girl and one for a boy, we'll return what we don't use).
8. Attend the "shower" for the three of us in the office that are pregnant.
9. Pre-register for the hospital
10. Take a hospital tour?
11. Take a refresher childbirth class?
12. Prepare for going to the hospital.

Really, that's it. I just don't know why it is so little. Item #1 is going to be the hardest because it requires YY to get rid of stuff, which is always a challenge. Numbers 2 and 3 will be done in one weekend with a little help from some friends. The rest is really up to me to do in the next 3 to 4 months. I don't even know if we will do 10 and 11 at all.

I guess there are a few small things at work I need to do - I have a paper to write (mid-June), a presentation to prepare (mid-August), a poster to prepare (mid-September), and a conference to attend and present at (mid-September). (I have a back up for the presentation at the conference, just in case.)

We do have a lot of fun stuff planned for the summer. YY's parents will be here in July. We also have a camping trip at the coast scheduled in July along with two concerts. (Wow, July will be busy!) I am trying to see if we can squeeze in a camping trip in Easter WA this month, but I don't know if that will happen. In August we are going to Vancouver for a long weekend, but that's all that's on the calendar for now. I would love to sneak in a trip to San Franscisco or another camping trip. Plus Sam and I plan on spending as much time in the water as possible this summer, so I don't think we'll be home much on our Thursdays and Fridays together.

I am sure I will FREAK out in August or September, but that just seems so far away. Right? Of course it is.

Team Green

2009-04-14T11:32:00.000-07:00

In case you hadn't heard, we're having another baby. This one is due at the end of September.

With Sam, DH and I had a deal, we could find out the gender with the first one, but the second would be a surprise. So we're having a surprise.

And you know what? It is driving me bonkers! At least today, anyway. A lot of the women that are due around the same time as me are finding out right about now. I still have a good 2 to 4 weeks before we could find out, but still, I am getting anxious!

I'd been ok with being team green. There wasn't much we need to buy this time - we have all the big stuff from Sam. Sure we have to do the nursery, but it will be pretty gender neutral other than the bedding, which won't be needed until the baby is older and sleeping in the nursery. We have plenty of clothes and a boy name and a girl name picked out. I do need newborn diapers (we use cloth) and would like a new sling that would allow me to chase after Sam while wearing the baby close to me. Other than that, there isn't much else we need to worry about.

So why is it so hard to be team green? Last time I think it was just an excuse to say "I need to know to plan." However, what I really wanted was to know what I was having because I wanted to know.

So for now, I have to go with my gut (girl), old wives tales (girl), and just wait until September/October. I also have to remind myself that this will be a great surprise. :D

Oh, and I polished off a can of peaches while I wrote this. Fruit is like the best thing ever.

Potty Talk

2009-03-08T18:54:00.000-07:00

We've been working on getting Sam potty trained since November-ish. It wasn't our choice, it was his. Refused diapers, started asking to go, dry during naps, etc. Although, I was afraid if we didn't follow his lead we'd have a kid that didn't potty train until he was 4.

So things were going well for a while, then after Thanksgiving, I started working a lot. Four days a week, most weeks, instead of my normal 3, and in January, I was working 5 days a week. Plus Sam had two weeks of vacation in December. And he transitioned into his toddler room. It was a lot happening in his little life all at once.

Before the transition, we were down to averaging 2 accidents per day (including nap/overnight) and he was going at least three times during the day at daycare. After the transition, we were back to square one.

I finally was able to get back to my three day a week schedule, and it was like this is what he was waiting for. Sam is back to doing so well with the potty, at least at home. We borrowed "Elmo's Potty Time" from the library and it seemed to really hit home for him. He goes over to his potty all alone and even pulls his pants and underwear down all by himself. We don't have to initiate anything. He does still have an accident or two (usually because he is too busy playing) and is typically wet overnight, but is starting to stay dry for naps.

We just figured out that he likes his privacy. I know I do, so I don't know why it should surprise me too much. In fact, one day this week, he had to poop after nap and wouldn't let me come downstairs until he was done pooping. It was pretty funny actually. Since our downstairs bathroom is so small, we built him a privacy screen/car ramp, and he is loving it.

The other thing we figured out is that Pull Ups are the devil. Seriously, they are just like expensive disposable diapers. Sam was a primarily cloth diapered baby, but wore sposies for daycare. However, when we started potty training, we decided we would use Pull Ups for outings and overnights, as well as daycare. At home, it is trainers and underwear. During the chaos of December/January, Sam got into the habit of peeing in his Pull Ups, treating them like a diaper. Now, I am trying to only use them for overnights/naps. Yes this means that we stop more often for potty breaks and I always have extra pants, socks, and underwear, but it seems to be helping.

Of course, daycare requires Pull Ups (or whatever equivalent you want to use) until they start regularly using the potty. Right now, he seems to go to the potty only once or twice a week, even though they change him every 2 hrs at daycare. (He easily goes 2 to 3 hrs at home.) Since he is so used to peeing in the Pull Ups, I think potty at daycare is going to take a little longer. I hope that once he starts going semi-regularly when he is there, that we can convince them to switch to underwear. I think it is just going to take time.

But considering that he went from the occasional pottying to the place he is now in just two weeks, I am very proud of my little boy!

Sponge-Sam Music Pants

2009-02-24T10:05:00.000-08:00

(I am finally starting to come out from under the big project I had at work. I am back to working three days a week, which is what is most important. The document hasn't gone out the door, but at this point there isn't anything that I can do to make it go faster.)

Sam's been singing lately. For those of you that don't know, Sam has been in once a week music class since he was in the infants room at daycare. He LOVES it. Well lately, he's been singing, a lot. Not just nonsense songs, but whole songs. Sure they are short songs, but he sings them all the way through. "Baa, Baa Black Sheep" seems to be his current favorite. In fact on Friday, we went to our favorite noodle shop for dinner and he entertained all of the guests (there were 4 of them besides us) by singing "Baa, Baa Black Sheep" over and over and over again. :)

I am just amazed as to what this kid knows. Seriously. They are such sponges!

So Cute

2009-01-30T08:00:00.001-08:00

Sam just gets cuter and cuter every day. :) I adore this age.

Yesterday, he spent 5 minutes pretending his orange slice was a snake and trying to put it in our ears.

We've been working on his name and age lately:

Me: What's your name?
Sam: Sam Yang
Me: How old are you?
Sam: (Holds up one finger) Two!

Then with YY it went:
YY: What's your name?
Sam: Sam
YY: How old are you?
Sam: (Holds up one finger) Sam!
YY: No, How old are you?
Sam: (Holds up one finger) Two!

Stuff

2008-12-07T13:29:00.001-08:00

#1. We didn't get the Xbox on Black Friday, but we didn't even try for it. YY decided that because it didn't have a certain output that it wasn't worth it. Whatever. We did go out anyway, but we took things easy. We got some good deals, but nothing crazy. It was fun to hang out early in the morning with Sam and do a little shopping more than anything.

#2. Sam is moving to his new room at daycare in 2 weeks. I am in shock - it is 2 months early. His teachers and the school director all agree that he needs to move because his current room doesn't provide enough stimulation. At least his friend that has been with him since he started is going to the new room at the same time. :) This new room is not the 2's room, but the Transition room. Because his daycare transitions into a preschool at age 3 or 4 (depends on the kid), they call it a transition room. :( I don't want to admit that he is growing up. He's not even two! How am I gonna handle when he goes on his first date or off to college??? :)

#3. New hair color. Lots of blond highlights. I would say I am about 25% blond. Thoughts on the hair? I can't decide. It grows on me every day. These pictures are the day after it was done and I haven't had a chance to wash it yet, so it still has some of the hairspray residue from my hairstyle for the Christmas party.

Tell me I am crazy

2008-11-24T11:19:00.000-08:00

I am actually contemplating going to Black Friday sales.

It started so innocently. YY asked if I thought we should get an X-Box. I told him no. Then a couple of days later, as I was perusing some websites, I came across Wal-Mart's Black Friday Ad. It has a 360 with Guitar Hero 3. So jokingly, I took it to YY and said, "I'll make you a deal. You can have the X-Box if you get this one. The catch? You have to go out on Black Friday." YY said, "Well I was thinking about it anyway since Sam will be up." You know what, he's probably right. Sam's up early anyway. Would it be so bad to go get some awesome deals if he wakes up early enough?

Now we won't be waking Sam up just for this, but if he happens to wake up, we just may head down there. I also saw a few Old Navy things I might like to get. Of course, if we aren't there at 5:00 am when they open we just might not get the things we are eyeing, but that's ok. If it is meant to be, it will happen, right?

I've never gone out on Black Friday before, but I've heard the horror stories. I am a little worried...

Cooking with a Toddler

2008-11-06T10:52:00.000-08:00

My mom and grandmother started baking with me very early on, and I decided I would do the same with Sam. He only kind of helped me out last year at Christmas with cookies, but this summer, we really started baking together. It is great because he gets to practice scooping, pouring, counting, and cracking eggs. He loves to crack the eggs, but too many shells wind up in the batter if I let him put them in.

So today, a nice rainy day, Sam and I decided to make Orange Pound Cake. Things were going great - we got the butter and sugar creamed, the eggs added and the zest added as well. We were mixing up the remainder of the wet ingredients (buttermilk, orange juice and vanilla) to add to the butter/sugar/egg mixture as well as the dry ingredients. The recipe called for us to alternate adding the buttermilk mixture and the flour mixture to the butter mixture. I stepped away for 10 seconds to put the orange juice away and Sam dumped the buttermilk mixture into the flour mixture. Ooops! He also managed to dump about half the buttermilk mixture onto the counter and floor. I think salvaged everything - the cakes set up and look yummy! I now know to worry about clean up after the baking is done, especially with Sam. :)

Less TV

2008-10-28T10:30:00.000-07:00

I decided this year that I needed to watch less TV. Not that I watched excessive amounts of TV before, but I was finding myself watching more than I wanted.

I can't believe how much free time has entered my life having only stopped watching the "frivolous" shows and not adding any new shows to my TV viewing this year. (Nothing really interested me, but I did try out Fringe and 90210.) I have my big three that I like to watch (Pushing Daisies, How I Met Your Mother, and Heroes - Lost and Battlestar Gallactica will get added in January). YY and I still watch a few other things together, but not a lot more and I don't feel like I *have* to watch them right away. Pretty much everything else, I can take or leave.

For the first time, our TiVo isn't full. It is letting me have time to do those projects around the house that I always say I will get to on the weekend. I don't feel like I am rushing to cram in my work duties, my mom duties, my Adrianne duties, and my household duties. It just gives me a little breathing room that I really need.

I also don't feel deprived. I thought it was going to be hard. I thought I was going to hate not keeping up with the newest thing. You know what? It was painless. I just wish I had thought of this last year. :)

Mr. Opinion

2008-10-09T09:32:00.001-07:00

Alas, the days of dressing Sam in what *I* want him to wear are gone. He has an opinion and he's not afraid to use it!

It started innocently. I would go pick out his clothes from the day, but he would put his hand in his drawer and bring out another shirt. He particularly likes the "Guess Who's Crabby" shirt we got him in Baltimore. :) No problem for me, as long as it mostly matched. However, most of the time, I got to pick it out.

Then came the vests. I brought out the vest his Nai Nai (YY's mom) made for him because it had dogs on it and it was doggy day at daycare. He loved it and wore it all day. I figured it would be off again in like 5 mins, but we have photographic proof he wore it all day.

Then there was the hat - one hat in particular. For a kid that HATED hats pretty much from the begining, it was shocking to see him wear it. He actually asks for it now and if he sees it, man you better let him wear it. ;)

This morning was the signal of the end of me picking out his clothes though. I had his outfit all layed out in hopes of avoiding the "I want to wear this shirt" dance that was sucking up precious time in the mornings. Yeah, that didn't work. He didn't mind the shirt I had him in, but he really didn't want to wear the Carhart overalls. So I switched him to jeans. Deciding that he needed a little more warmth, I brought out his other vest with the truck on it. He was very happy with that one, but refused to eat breakfast until I snapped it up for him. He also wanted me to wear his extra pair of socks he dug out of his drawers since I was barefoot.

I have a feeling that this is just the start of a Sam and his opinions. :)

Disney!

2008-10-07T08:20:00.000-07:00

Loved it! Had a great time! So did Sam. :)

It was kind of weird not riding Splash Mountain or Space Mountain or any of my other favorites, but it was worth it to watch Sam enjoy things like Dumbo and the Tea Cups. It was also very cool to not feel like we had to rush through the park to get to everything we wanted to see. We took it at "Sam pace."

I am so happy we went with the dining plan. The dining plan gives you one table service, one quick service, and one snack per day per person for a fixed price. (Sam didn't get a plan since he was under 3.) We really used it to our advantage, and I felt like I didn't have to eat cheap and not so great for you food all the time. I would highly recommend it.

Staying at Disney property was cool too. It let us take advantage of the free bus, which may have been Sam's favorite thing of the whole trip, which meant no rental car. It also meant that I felt better about coming back for naps for Sam, which only worked one of the two days we were in the park.

Overall it was a lot of fun. I was skeptical that Disney could be done with just a 19 month old, but you know what, it can. :)

sleep, glorious sleep

2008-09-22T10:11:00.000-07:00

After lots and lots of bad sleep days, I think *knock on wood* that Sam is back to his old sleep self. This weekend, YY and I decided to push his bedtime about 15 mins earlier and that Sam would stay in his crib until 5:30 am. We would get up and comfort him, remind him it was dark and time to sleep, but we would not take him out of the crib. It was a very rough couple of nights and mornings, but it just may have been worth it.

On Saturday, after getting him out of bed at 5:30, Sam and I went into the guest room to maybe get some extra sleep. After about 30 mins and me explaining to him that it was dark and the birds were asleep (he kept saying bird and looking for them), he decided that he wanted to sleep more and we got an extra hour! That afternoon he took an almost three hour nap, which was fantastic. That night he slept all the way through to 5:30 am. Yesterday, I had my crazy, fun, full of energy kid back. This morning he did wake up at 3:30 am, but was back asleep in 5 mins. I had to go wake him up to get ready for school.

I know he was overtired, but we couldn't seem to get a really good day and night of sleep into him. Something about this weekend worked. Maybe it was luck, maybe it was conicidence, but man, I hope this keeps up. :)

Random

2008-09-17T07:36:00.000-07:00

I don't have enough for a blog post on one topic, so here's a bunch of little stuff.

Sam is getting up between 4 am and 5 am right now. It is driving YY and me bonkers. I think it is because a) he's starting to potty train and b) he's about to have a huge language break though. We're trying to hold off on potty training until we get back from Disney, thus allowing me to make some trainers and not have to deal with finding a potty at Disney/on the plane. He's also adding lots of words every day and is starting to really get his point across. Last night at dinner he told me everything he wanted on his taco using his words. :) Next up is sentences, which, from the change in sleep, I have a feeling is coming soon. Hopefully after that we will all sleep better.

I really love my iPod Touch. I got the first generation one a few days ago since my brother bought a Macbook through the student discount and didn't want the iPod. I can see how having an iPhone could be advantageous in terms of always having access to the internet, but I don't think I want to pay an extra $30+ a month for that. WiFi is just fine for now. I still have my 2nd generation nano and will continue to use that for running.

I am also loving the Genius feature of the new iTunes. I hate making playlists and this pretty much means I don't have to any more. I just pick a song that is in the flavor of what I want to listen to and iTunes does the rest. (I am a huge fan of Pandora, so it makes sense that I like this as well.) I have one complaint - I wish it did more than 25 songs in one play list. I do miss the Pandora feature that allows me to find new music, but I can live without it. Plus I have Pandora on the touch, so it is good. :)

Work in the new office is going well. One of my friends from the other office finally moved over here, so it is nice. I still find the office to be VERY quiet at times, but that's what the iPod is for. I hate that my back is to my door, but I will survive. I would have to give up desk space in order to rearrange, and I need the desk space.

Riding the bus to work is still good. I am much more comfortable with it now. I don't like the darkness and lack of street lights on my walk (one always turns off just as I approach it), but it isn't too bad. I think Sam and I will use the bus this winter when we go downtown to the library or the aquarium.

We're still just waiting to hear how the machinists strike works out. I am still hoping that the two sides can come to a resolution soon, but I am not holding my breath. There seems to be a lot of hard feelings, at least that's how it is being portrayed in the media.

Our backyard project seemed to be never ending. However, we're in the home stretch - we need to rent a chainsaw to cut down some largeish trees that have taken over, put lattic up under the porch, and we need to get more blocks and finish off the retaining walls. This means moving more dirt and blocks, but that's ok because once it is done it will be fantastic!

YY wants to take me biking this Friday to figure out how I could bike to work. I am hesitant to bike to work for two reasons. There is one shower for my entire building and downtown drivers are CRAZY! We'll see how it works out. He has promised me Salumi for lunch, so I might just agree to it. :)

I am not a lump

2008-09-05T12:56:00.000-07:00

That is my current motto.

After about 2.5 years of feeling like I was in a haze, I finally feel good - really good. I haven't felt this good since I had the "Atkins high." I want to do things. I want to go out for a bike ride this weekend. I am dying to go out for a run, a walk, or to chase Sam at the playground. I no longer feel like this is something I have to do to loose weight or be healthy, this is something I want to do.

It isn't a point where I feel like I have too much energy and am crazy. I can sit down and relax and veg out if I want to, it is just no longer my natural state. I feel "normal."

It is all because I found a good doctor. One that really listens. One that understands that I wanted to be healthy and active, but I just couldn't get off the couch. We have finally found the right balance of medications to make me feel good. I am so happy.

Not that every day is rainbows and unicorns. I do have rare days where I want to just sit around watch TV and surf the net and ignore everything, but those are the days that I remind myself that I am not a lump.

Shoe Dillema

2008-09-02T09:00:00.000-07:00

I really like to wear high heels in the office. I feel it gives me a little more authority. My dilemma is that I take the bus to work, which requires walking more than before. I have no problem walking in the heels, but if I have to run to catch a bus or if I need to step out at lunch to run an errand or two, it is nice to have some more comfy shoes.

So my question is do I become one of those ladies that wears sneakers with their pant-suits or skirts? Do I keep wearing flip flops, even on the chilly-ish mornings?

I do have galoshes for the rainy season. I have no problems wearing those with skirts or pants, but we haven't quite hit the rainy season yet. I would feel like a fool wearing those on days it wasn't wet out there.

What's a girl to do?

You've been a mom for 18 months, what are you gonna do now?

2008-08-26T19:52:00.001-07:00

I'm going to Disney World!

Ok, well we're all going to Disney World!

YY has a conference in Orlando in October, we had a free ticket from giving up Sam's seat on one of our flights this summer, the timing is perfect, so we're doing it! I am so excited.

I really love Disney, but I have never stayed on Disney Property. This time, we are. Nothing crazy fancy, but it is still on Disney property. I know that Sam won't really remember it, but let's be honest here, this is really more for me and YY, isn't it? :)

Bumper Crop

2008-08-25T16:52:00.000-07:00

By moving our garden beds this year, we discovered a great place in our yard to grow stuff. (We'd always known it was a good location because the grass was always a little greener and longer down there.) What we didn't anticipate was the bumper crop of fennel and tomatoes. We also learned that there is a very clear line in the beds (near the house, to the left in the picture) where things don't get quite as much sun.

Sadly, the tomatoes don't look like they are going to ripen - now that our summer seems to be pretty much over with. The fennel is ok, but it is really only good for herbs and the seeds since we got the wrong kind of fennel. The seeds are great in meatballs (we're having that with lightly fennel flavored pasta sauce this week for dinner), and I acutally like to snack on them a little. We'll probably keep some of the fennel for next year.

So now that we know a little more about our new garden locations, we're going to change things up a bit. We're going to plant our tomatoes much further apart (we did follow the directions). I am going to see if I can grow some herbs in the not as sunny areas. We'll try to grow leeks like we grow our green onions (saving a root end or two from the bunches you buy at the store) and we're going to try to grow calçots. We'll see if they work! I think we will try lettuce again next year and some beans. Peas work out well, so we'll do those again. We'd like to do a winter garden, but we haven't had time to plan it out with the back yard renovations.

People Watching

2008-07-21T07:47:00.000-07:00

Riding on the bus allows me to do a lot of people watching. I do have my iPod on, but I keep it low enough to hear the bus drivers announcements. Consequently, I get to hear some of the louder bus conversations.

Today, it was two guys that got on the bus together. They both had long hair in a pony tail and wore baseball caps. You know the type.

Anyway, one particularly loud conversation was related to their hair. Guy A was complaining that his hair was all different lengths and he wanted it to be cut so everything was the same length. He even turned his back to Guy B and waved his hair at him saying "See it is all different lengths." Then Guy B suggested that Guy A put his hair in a braid for a little while. This would allow the ends of the hair to come out of the braid, thus allowing Guy A to determine where he needed his hair to be cut off.

I barely kept myself from busting out laughing! It was hilarious to see these two tough guys giving each other hair advice. :) I do have to admit that Guy A had a good idea though. :)

New Office Review

2008-07-16T07:21:00.001-07:00

So I've been in the new office for the equivalent of a work week for me. (I've had to go back to the main office once already and I didn't move in until last Monday in the afternoon.)

So far, I like it. It is really quiet, but as more people move in, it is becoming louder. I guess I am just used to a certain level of noise after working in a largeish office in a cube for almost 7 years.

I LOVE my bus ride. I was one of those weird kids that wanted to ride the bus to school, but we always lived too close. I was so happy when we lived in Boston and I got to take the T to school. I am weird, I know. I am a happy camper and the iPod is getting tons of use.

I chose an "interior office" instead of a cubicle when I moved over here. It is ok. The furniture placement isn't very Fung Shui (my back is to the door) and I don't get a lot of natural light. But you know what? I have a door, and I can shut it and I can be on the phone and not worried about if I am being too loud. This is perhaps the best thing about my new space.

I do wish we had some of the perks of a bigger office and being located within our lawyer's office makes me feel like a visitor most of the time, but I will get used to it. I do miss being where all the action is and I am already noticing that there is a certain project manager that is going to need a few smacks upside the head to learn to schedule things better. That's ok when his other b*tch, I mean junior staff, moves over here, too, then he will have to accommodate both of us.

Overall, I am very happy with the move. I will have a better feel for things when I have been here a month or two.

Things You Never Thought You Would Say

2008-07-16T07:16:00.000-07:00

Motherhood is giving me so many joys. I love watching Sam grow. I love being able to play with him. I love being able to comfort him.

Just recently, it has made me start to say things I never thought I would. So I am going to start a list.

1. Sam, I really don't think you want to dip your peaches in tartar sauce.
2. Do you really need more lotion in your hair?

(Ok it is a really short list, but it is a start.)

movin' on up

2008-06-07T19:17:00.000-07:00

or maybe that it movin' on over?

I got the go ahead to move over to the Seattle office. I've been working in Redmond, which is about a 25 min commute in the morning at 6 am and a 45 min commute (on a good day - 1 hr is more average) at 3:45 pm. I have to leave the office at 3:45 pm to guarantee that I will be home by 5 pm to help YY out with Sam. Even then, there have been days I haven't made it home until 5:30 pm.

We opened a Seattle office a couple (maybe 3?) years ago. I was asked if I wanted to move there at that time, but I thought that I just wasn't ready. I was so dependent on folks that worked in Redmond for work that I needed to be with them. Now with more experience under my belt and people in the Seattle office doing some of the stuff I do, I think it will be good.

The $4+/gal gas prices helped my decision. So did the fact that I might get an office with a door and that the office itself is nice and quiet. The 20 min bus ride with stops very close to the house and the office made it a little easier, too.

I am definitely going to miss the Redmond office, but I will be going there at least 2 times a month. I am sad to be leaving the "water group" nest, but it was time I did.

I am really looking forward to the move.

Stuff

2008-05-22T09:00:00.000-07:00

I have been working waaaaay too much lately and feel like I have been neglecting everything that wasn't Sam, YY or work. Plus, YY's been traveling a lot so that makes it even harder.

I had to give up on leading the marketing efforts for some stuff at work. I am ok with it since I am still involved, but it was a tough decision. I think it was the first time I really realized that I am not a supermom.

I have been doing the couch to 5K running program and was doing really great. Until I got busy. I've had to put it aside for the last couple of weeks, but I should be able to pick right back up. I even brought my running stuff to work today so that I can go out at lunch (or when I need to get out of the office for an hour).

I have to be at work tonight until I finish this model. I am not thrilled with this because a) I don't normally work on Thursdays and b) we leave for vacation on Saturday and I haven't done a single thing. This is our first time flying with Sam and I am really nervous.

I ran into someone from Tech last night at a society meeting. This doesn't seem odd to most people, but considering I was one of the few people in my major, I am actually pretty surprised. It was cool to catch up with him and I found out he's going to be doing some work with my company.

Sam is doing fantastic! His vocabulary is increasing exponentially. I love it. He is really communicating. Combined with the little bit of sign language we taught him, I feel like we can usually understand what he wants. Thank goodness most of what he wants is to eat, to have more of something, or to go outside and play. Those are easy. :) We had his 15 month appointment and the doctor said he was doing so well that we don't need to come back until he is 2 for another well baby visit. I refuse to believe that he is going to be 2 at any point. :)

Why I Love the PNW - Reason #1

2008-04-02T07:09:00.000-07:00

On my way into work this morning, I was driving across I-90 and almost had to pull over to take in the view. There was a sliver of the moon in the sky, the morning light was just peeking over the evergreens on the horizon, Lake Washington was glistening with moonlight and the first morning rays of light, and Mt. Ranier was just starting to glow in the distance.

It was beautiful.

Yard Transformation

2008-03-21T19:49:00.001-07:00

We're starting on transforming our back yard this spring/summer. The whole thing was prompted by the tree in the back yard. We've known since we moved in that it was kind of a problem because well, the City ran the power lines through the tree to connect to our house.

We tried for almost 6 years to save the tree. We've trimmed it ourselves, but it got too big for us to do safely. We've asked the City to come out and trim the tree; they said no. We've asked the City to move the power lines; again, they said no.

The last two winters up here have seen some pretty bad wind storms. We've been afraid of the tree falling over and knocking out our power for who knows how long. So this year, we decided to hire an arborist to come out and evaluate the tree. We were hoping they would say that the tree could be saved and it would require annual trimming that would cost less than $500 a year.

Nope, they told us it really needed to come down. It wasn't a really attractive tree and didn't really add much to the property. We agreed.

So for less than $500 they came out today and cut our tree down. We opted to not have them grind the stump down because all we really needed to do was cover the stump for a couple of years and the tree wouldn't grow back. Plus, it would have doubled the cost.

It was sad watching it come down, but it was for the best. The yard already looks better (even with logs scattered around) and the tree was in worse condition than we realized. It was a maple tree, so it wasn't one trunk but 5 that had grown together. There was holes inside and it looks like it was possibly diseased.

The tree removal was step one. It has inspired us to do so much more. Our yard currently has a flat portion (about as wide as a road), then it slopes down to another, smaller flat part. The upper flat part currently has two garden boxes on it, so there isn't a lot of grass for Sam to play in. We knew we wanted to remove one of the garden boxes, since we don't use both, but YY had the brilliant idea to move it to the bottom flat part (that gets almost all morning sun and a little afternoon sun). This will open up the entire top area as a play area for Sam. YY also wants to terrace the slope. It is a steep enough slope that it really should have been terraced when they built the house.

So, that should take all spring. Not to mention all the wood YY will be splitting this weekend. :)

I really should take some before and after pictures.

Belly Flops and Tantrums

2008-02-04T12:42:00.000-08:00

I really have a toddler on my hands here folks.

His personality is starting to shine through. He's a cautious kid, but once you get to know him, he is a barrel of fun. He wants to make you laugh and he loves it when you make him laugh. Daddy is his best friend right now. They spent 30 mins doing belly flops onto the couch together the other night. Sometimes, I see them playing together and my heart just melts. I can see so much of YY in Sam and I love it. I hope that they have this special bond throughout life. And yes, I am just a teensy bit jealous.

With this personality comes tantrums. Yep, tantrums. Right now, they are just the incessant whining kind of tantrum, but they are triggered when we won't give him something he wants. I can handle these tantrums - they are pretty easy to ignore. Now once he starts screaming and kicking on the floor, that's gonna be another story. But those are the terrible twos/threes, right?

Two Cute Sam Stories

2008-01-13T08:24:00.000-08:00

"Mah," please.

YY and I were running tons of errands yesterday. It was a bit much, but Sam seemed to be handling it well, so we kept on going. One of our stops was the mall. YY needed a new watch, and the mall was out last place to look. He found one he wanted, but Sam really didn't want to sit around and watch the watch get resized, so I took him out to a bench and gave him a snack. All was well until YY showed up with his ice cream (previously purchased from Costco). Sam hadn't had ice cream, yet, so YY gave him some. After he finished that first bite, Sam said, "mah!", which sounded like "more." YY gave him more, and at the end of that bite Sam said, "mah." It went on and on until the ice cream was gone. Sam even got insistent at times, yelling "mah, mah."

I don't know if we would call this is first word, since he uses "mah" a lot, but it was pretty clear what he meant!

I Like Blondes

Sam has always loved blond haired females. We're not sure where this comes from since all of the ladies in his life are dark haired, except for one girl at daycare, but he loves them. They are the only strangers that he likes right away.

We have this fantastic book called "Baby Faces" (Thanks Laura!) that has about 7 pictures of babies making, well faces. There are two blond girls in it. I was reading it to him the other night before bed. When we got to the first blond girl, he leaned over and gave her a big kiss. When we got to the second girl, he did the same thing! I read him the book again, just to see what would happen, and sure enough, he leaned over and kissed them again. It was just too cute.

2007

2008-01-02T11:51:00.000-08:00

It was a good year. Probably the best yet.

The year in review:

January - In early January, YY and I celebrated being together for 10 years and our last real date as DINKS (double income, no kids). After that January was a blur of snowstorms, birthing classes, contractions, and doctors appointments. We anxiously awaited Sam's arrival.
February - I spent the first part of February convinced that Sam was never gonna get here. Then on Valentine's Day, I went to the hospital to be induced. It took 24 hrs, but I finally got to meet my little boy. The rest of February is a blur of new parent-ness.
March and April - I don't remember much of March or April to be honest. I just know I was sleep deprived and taking care of a newborn that didn't like to sleep. Looking back at Sam's milestones, it seems he started smiling, laughing, and rolling from his tummy to his back.
May - I remember more of May. We took a class at the zoo every Thursday, had some really hot weather (pool!), and got ready for me to go back to work.
June - I was back at work and we were adjusting to the new schedule. It was really tough on me and Sam. Luckily, he had the best daycare teachers in the world and he eventually grew to love it. :) I guess June is when Sam started to sit up and roll from his back to his tummy.
July - We started to get into the swing of things. We had some fun on the 4th of July visiting a Kwik-E-Mart and playing in the pool. Sam was able to sit on his own for long periods, got his first teeth, and started solid foods in July.
August - The best part of August was seeing Amy, Robin, and Wedge! Sam started getting up on all 4s and rocking. He also started army crawling.
September - I think Sam was sick a lot in September. I don't remember much, be he did start pulling up (first time was in the bath tub) and cruising. I was convinced he'd be an early walker. YY and I went on our first evening date since Sam was born.
October - YY and I celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary. We took a trip to Portland to see Laura and her fiancee and discovered the joys of Children's Museums. We also took Sam to his first pumpkin patch and corn maze! Sam began clapping and doing some signing, too.
November - After some struggles, Sam made a major change in his sleeping habits. This led to a happy baby and some happy parents. :) YY's parent's came for a visit - which was fantastic for Sam and them. :) Sam started free standing and dancing in November.
December - With a happy baby, we tackled the holidays with pure joy. It was fantastic. YY and I enjoyed some family time with Sam and enjoyed being parents and married. We went on two dates that month. Sam took his first steps, started pointing with a finger, imitating everything, and showed us that he can go down the stairs as well as up.

It was an eventful year, but one, even with the struggles, that I will look back on fondly. It taught me a lot about my relationship with YY, it taught me how to be a mom, it taught me how to balance my work and my life, but most importantly, it let me grow as a person.

It was a good year.

Sam Update

2007-12-12T06:59:00.001-08:00

It has been a while since I've blogged about Sam. So for your viewing pleasure:

Sam turns 10 months old this week. He's doing pretty good these days. Teeth #7 and #8 are on their way in. They've both broken through the gum, but are still coming in. He's doing a little signing - "more", "milk", and "all done". He seems to have put that aside for a while while he works on other tricks, I mean, milestones. ;)

He's walking with the help of his airplane walker. It is pretty cute to watch him push that thing around. He can balance on his knees, and we just found out last night that he can free stand for about 5 seconds. He climbs into or on everything he can - the dishwasher, the dryer, the stairs, through my coffee table, etc. He tries to squeeze himself into little spaces and gets frustrated when his big head doesn't fit.

He crawls really fast, almost so fast that we can't keep up with him. He is babbling like crazy and starting to realize that "mama" and "baba" (this is in place of "dada" - YY called his dad "baba") actually mean something.

If you ask him for a high 5, he'll give you one. He waves hello, but not goodbye. If you ask him, "How big is Sam?", he'll lift his arms in the air so you will say "So big!". He just got his assignment for his new classroom at daycare once he turns one year old. They will start transitioning him - naps on cots, not cribs, and visiting the other room during the day after the holidays.

My little boy is growing up!

Parenting Choices

2007-12-04T08:31:00.000-08:00

I've been reading (stalking?) a blog from someone I knew at Tech. She recently made a post about parenting choices, and it made me think about mine and how they have evolved since Sam was born.

I work part time. I always knew that I could not be a full time stay at home mom. I couldn't give up my career, which is a huge part of who I am. Part time working, seems to give me the time at home with Sam, but also lets me keep up with my career.

We cloth diaper Sam at home and use disposables at daycare. It took some experimentation to find a system that worked for us, but we did it. We do this because we feel better about reusing as much as we can and frankly, it saves some money. We use disposables at daycare because it is easier for his teachers and YY doesn't want to have to drag diapers back and forth every day. Since he is the one that takes him and picks him up, I can't complain.

I love the idea of attachment parenting, but I work part-time, so I thought it would be too difficult for Sam to transition from being so close to mom all the time to being in daycare with a teacher that has other kids to take care of. I still love my slings and want an ergo carrier so bad now that he is bigger. I carried him around a lot, and if I wasn't working, he would have been in a sling a lot more. Right now he is just too active to want to be held too long, but he still loves the comfort of my arms or being cuddled on my chest.

We tried co-sleeping, but it just didn't work for us. I could never sleep because I was so worried I would roll onto him or YY would roll onto him or he would suffocate in the bed or, well you get the picture. Plus, Sam didn't like it. He likes to have room to move around in his sleep. We did keep him in a bassinet in our room for about 3.5 months until we needed to get him used to sleeping in a crib for daycare.

I am a breastfeeding momma. It isn't my favorite thing, but I believe in my heart it is the best thing for Sam. It hasn't been easy. I pumped until he was 9 months old, but had to give up because my supply is low and I wasn't getting more than 4 oz in a day despite pumping 4 times a day. So now my little guy gets some formula (daycare and before bed) and breastmilk.

Originally I had planned on weaning at one year, but I just don't think I can do that. Sam likes to nurse, a lot. I just couldn't do that to him. So, I think as a compromise, we will switch to morning and evening nursing (he really likes to nurse when I get home from work) at one year on days I am working. On days I am home, I think we'll try the "don't offer, don't refuse" approach.

Sam still doesn't sleep through the entire night. He gets up once to eat. I don't feel like I need to force him to give that up, and Sam's doctor agrees. As long as he is sleeping at least 6 hrs in a row, the doctor has no problem with him eating after that. I am hoping Sam will give it up on his own eventually, but we'll see. For now, I am ok with getting up once, even if it is just 45 mins before I need to wake up for the day.

When Sam was a little baby, I thought we would never let him cry at night. I am glad that we stuck with that for the first 9 months. We wanted to instill in Sam that he could trust mom and dad to be there no matter what, and we succeeded with that. We did try the E.A.S.Y. method to get him to sleep better, and it helped, to a degree. We hit a standstill where he still needed us to come into his room at least once per night to get him back to sleep. No matter what we did, we couldn't get him to go to sleep without some soothing by us. Then he got sick, and he reverted to waking up 5 or 6 times a night. It wasn't fun. It was really wearing YY and I down. So we decided that Sam was old enough to "cry it out." None of us could handle the "put the baby in his room and don't ever come to him at night" approach, but we did feel like we could handle the "let him cry for X mins before going into check on him" approach, where X gradually increases. You know what? It worked wonders for us. I never could have done this at 3 months or even 7 months - we just weren't ready for it then.

So we may have made parenting choices that other people just can't agree with, but they are what works for me and my family at this time. I don't think my way is right for everyone and I don't expect people to like all my choices. We are happy and comfortable with them - for now.

Purging

2007-11-26T07:43:00.000-08:00

I spent yesterday finally cleaning up the bonus room in the basement. I've been trying to clean that room for over a year now. I just couldn't do it. It was overwhelming to think of going through all of that. So for a year, it has been our "junk" room. My ILs broken suitcase, the light we replaced, fabric scraps I will never use, my stuff from when my parents moved up here, old computer parts, Sam's toys and gear he's outgrown, and stuff we just didn't know where else to put occupied that room.

We managed to make a run to the dump to get rid of some of the junk and YY and his dad put all of Sam's stuff in the attic (for future use, of course). I don't know if it was those steps that got the ball rolling, but yesterday, I just couldn't bear the mess in there one more minute. It took me all day, but the room is now mostly clean. The only thing left is the big conference table, but YY needs to take care of that. I generated three garbage bags of garbage. My sewing area is now organized, and I have enough space on the table to work on my projects (YY's Christmas present and diapers for Sam).

It feels so good.

Second Law of Thermodynamics

2007-11-12T13:06:00.000-08:00

I bet that whoever came up with the Second Law of Thermodynamics was a parent.

Entropy is often on display in my house, especially with a 9 month old. Sam refuses to leave his blocks in the nice little plastic container I got for them. The first thing he goes for is that darn container. He opens the lid (which is a feat in itself!) and dumps the blocks out all over the floor. If I try to put them away after he is done dumping them on the floor, he just comes back over and dumps them out again. He also won't let us build any sort of block tower; Sam-zilla has to come and knock that down, too. It is hilarious.

This is also the boy that had to be extracted from the ball pit at daycare because he was throwing all the balls out of it.

:)

Day before Halloween

2007-10-30T13:43:00.001-07:00

I always loved Halloween as a kid. I loved trick-or-treating and when I got too old to trick-or-treat, I wanted to host a party. Being shy and worrying no one would come, I never hosted a party. So this year, having Sam, I was hoping to have some fun with Halloween.

We managed to get to the pumpkin patch and carve some pumpkins, but reality set in. There is no way I am taking a 8.5 month old trick-or-treating, and I still don't think anyone would come to a party. Besides, when exactly did I have time to plan, set up for, and host a party?

I was hoping that Sam's daycare would do something, but it seems that the most they are doing is decorating cookies as their morning snack. I was hoping YY would bring him by my office for our annual office trick-or-treating/showing off the kiddies, but it just isn't going to work out schedule wise.

So it seems we will spend tomorrow night dressing Sam in his moogle suit (made by Wedge), posing him with the pumpkins for the obligatory "first Halloween" pictures, and handing out what is left of the treats I made for the office trick-or-treating to the handful of trick-or-treaters we will get. We'll be in bed by 9 pm (7:30 for Sam) as usual.

I guess I will have to wait until next year when he'll enjoy it more anyway.

Update

2007-10-08T07:22:00.000-07:00

I feel like I need to update on something other than being sick. :)

Let's see...

Sam is doing really great now that we've figured out why he was sick (double ear infection). He is making the funniest faces, laughing like crazy, exploring the house, pulling up on everything, working on falling down carefully (and usually on his bum), holding onto things while standing with one hand, and even starting to cruise. I don't know if he'll ever truly crawl, but that's ok - he gets around just fine.
Our 5th wedding anniversary is coming up. After lots of ideas being tossed around we finally decided to go to Portland for the weekend and take Sam with us. We have nothing planned, other than meeting up with a friend from college. We have vague ideas of what we'd like to do, but nothing set in stone. I can't wait.
I've just been through some crazy times at work. I was putting at least 40 hrs of work into a 25 hour work week. I think things should slow down now, but it was really rough there for a while. YY has been great through this all. I don't know how I would be doing it without him. He's an amazing partner to have in this whole parenting thing. :)

puked on

2007-10-04T08:24:00.000-07:00

I think I have just passed one of the true tests of motherhood. Sam just puked all over me. Normally, this would have sent me running to the other room trying to keep myself from puking, but not this time.

And why are all of my recent posts about being sick?!?!?!

sick, sick, sick

2007-09-10T12:07:00.000-07:00

I have been sick for going on three weeks now. Just when I think it is getting better, it comes back full force. I don't know what to do. It started just before Robin and Wedge came to visit, got better right before they arrived, got worse after they left, got better right before Amy showed up, and got worse last night.

I can't taste anything, but I don't feel stuffed up. I am throughly unproductive at work and can't quite figure out how I am making it through the day.

I think tomorrow, I will stay home, work from home, and nap. Because, you know I don't have enough sick time to cover a full day off at this point.

Ugh.

Someone make me feel better!

striking a balance

2007-08-14T07:19:00.000-07:00

I seem to be having trouble finding that balance between home life and work life.

Ever since I started working, I refused to be one of those engineers that worked 60+ hours a week. In my 6 year career, I have had one or two weeks that came close to 60 hours and that was because I was working in the field. Otherwise, when I was in the office I worked 45 hrs tops. I never really earned "comp time," but I came home and spent my evenings with YY. It was great.

When I came back to work after my maternity leave, I knew I was going to work 25 hours a week. That's three days in the office, two days home with Sam, then a normal weekend. Unfortunately that doesn't seem to be working out. I have been doing a lot of working from home the last few weeks, which requires that YY take care of Sam and means that I don't see YY in the evenings.

Obviously, when we are busy, I need to be able to work, but I think I was taking too much on at once. It is hard because the project managers (the people I work for) just can't seem to remember that I work 3 days a week. I have to keep reminding them and well, it is getting old. I know in time, it will get better, but right now it is really frustrating.

I think my new policy is that I am only going to check email at home when Sam is napping on Thursday and Friday. At 5 pm on Friday, the work email is closed until Monday. If someone really needs me, they have my cell phone number.

One bright side to all this, is that I am learning to be more selective about the projects I do work on. No one can fault me for turning down one job to work on one that is more in my career path.

so much going on!

2007-08-08T20:10:00.000-07:00

Things have been crazy around here! We're running around like chickens with our heads cut off and I know it won't let up until mid-September. So here's an update!

I've been working crazy hours at work. I am trying to shift to a 6:45 am to 3:45 pm schedule, but I seem to be working 6:45 to 4:45. Hmmm...
The fence issue is finally resolved. We have to tear it down. We're going to take some measurements this weekend to determine if we can just recycle the wood in the current fence for the new one we plan to build along our real property line. We'll bribe some friends to come over the next weekend to actually help us tear down the fence and build the new one. Then we'll start thinking about moving. There are a lot of things to factor into the decision. Regardless, I think we'll be in this house for a while still.
Sam has reverted back to waking up at 3 am to eat. Luckily, he generally sleeps to 5 am after that, so I can't complain too much.
Sam is now in a regular car seat. He pretty much out grew the infant seat with his last growth spurt, so we had to go buy a regular convertible car seat. He seems to like it. Unfortunately we can no longer squeeze three people in the back seat.
Sam is loving his veggies. Ok, he tolerates the green beans, squash and peas, but he loves carrots. He gets so excited when he gets a bite of them! Oh and I LOVE his highchair. He looks like such a big boy sitting at the table!
I finally figured out why I have been so tired (besides the fact that work is kicking my a** and Sam went back to waking up at 3 am). I am hypothyroid. It explains a lot. I start my medication in the morning. I can't wait for it to kick in.
Sam will be 6 months old next week! He's trying to crawl. He can get on all fours, but just kind of looks around and wonders what to do next. It is pretty cute.

I think that is it. I think. I can barely remember to put on shoes in the morning, so I am sure I forgot something. Like when I left my car keys and cell phone in the chest freezer in the garage. Oops.

so close...

2007-08-01T07:42:00.001-07:00

Sam is this close to what I would call sleeping through the night. He is currently sleeping from 7:30 pm until 4:00 am without needing to wake up and eat. Unfortunately for me, he is hungry at 4 am, so he eats for 30-45 mins, then is up for the day. I would love to squeeze out another hour of sleep from him. If I could, I could actually stay up until 9 pm and still get my 8 hrs of sleep in. I don't think I have slept 8 hrs straight since he was born.

I think the change in sleep schedule (trust me, 7:30 pm to 4 am is a luxury!) has helped me have a new perspective on Sam. I am really loving this age with him. Things are so new, I just love watching him explore the world around him! Scooting around to get onto the hardwood floors so he can smack them and enjoy the sound they make. Trying to figure out how to get up onto his hands and knees without having to brace his feet on a vertical surface. Gazing up at the coffee table leg, wondering if he can use it to get up to the top of the coffee table. Figuring out just how to balance while sitting so that he can get that toy, but not fall over while doing it. It is like I can see the little gears working in his head. :)

I also think that YY and I feel like we can actually handle this parenting thing, at least for now. the first four months were kind of a blur of diapers, feedings, waking up at all hours, naps, and working. Now I feel like we can actually sit back and enjoy our son and our new roles as parents. Sure, we still have our rough moments, and it is hard to get things done around the house because one of us has to keep an eye on Sam at all times when he is awake, but it is just so much better now, at least for now. I know there will be rough patches ahead of us, but we'll manage. I know we can.

Someone get me something with caffine!

2007-07-23T08:25:00.000-07:00

Please!

What a weekend.

Part of it was my own darn fault. I did way too much reading and way too little napping/sleeping, but I knew I wouldn't be able to put down Harry Potter until I finished it or at least got some of my questions answered. I still have 50 pages or so to go...

The rest of it, was teeth. More specifically, Sam first tooth - lower one on his left side. Poor little guy was miserable all weekend until last night about 5 pm when it fully broke through. He had the whole kit and caboodle of teething symptoms - drool cough, refusing to eat, horrible sleeping, and a fever. He was much happier when we gave him Oragel to numb his gums, but it didn't last too long. Tylenol seemed to help. Unfortunately, I think the drool cough irritated his throat, so he now has a sore throat that wakes him up when he coughs. Poor YY was up with him at least 3-4 times each night this weekend trying to get him to go back to sleep.

Hopefully now that this one has broken through, he will calm back down to his happy self, until the next one comes through.

Next time we will be armed with Oragel and Tylenol and ready for action!

Success!

2007-07-20T18:49:00.000-07:00

Whew!

We tried giving Sam some rice cereal on Wednesday night. He did ok, but you could tell he really didn't like it. I tried giving it to him again last night, and he just cried the whole time. I tried different thicknesses and temperatures, but he just didn't want it. So I tried again this morning, when I knew he was gonna be hungry. Yeah, that didn't go over so well either. I decided that he just doesn't like rice cereal.

We had to run to Target today, so I got some veggies while I was there. We cracked open the green beans this evening and he loved them! He ate about 1/3 of the container between feedings, and then ate more after his final breastfeeding before bed. He was definitely ready for solids, just not rice cereal!

I am so relieved! I was so worried that he was just not ready for solids, and we were going to have to continue giving him 24 oz. plus of milk at day care. (His teachers said that even with 24 oz, he was still acting hungry all the time.)

We'll eventually try mixing the cereal with the veggies, simply because the rice cereal provides iron and it could help keep him satisfied between meals. For now, we'll stick with veggies and at least 18 oz of milk at daycare. We're definitely treating solid foods as a supplement to breast milk, not in place of it.

Of course, we'll discuss the whole solid food things with Sam's pediatrician in August.

Tomorrow, we'll go buy (or at least look at) high chairs!

Bittersweet

2007-07-18T07:49:00.000-07:00

Sam at 1 week --------Sam at 5 months

Oh how the time has flown by (and boy was he jaundiced!).

Sam is now 5 months old. He is :

Rolling around like crazy. You can't put him down and expect him to be in the same spot 5 mins. later.
Sitting up on his own. He still has the occasional tumble to the side or backwards if there is something distracting him or his tummy muscles get tired.
Playing independently for 30 mins.
Putting his toes in his mouth, when you can actually get him to stay on his back.
Trying to get into crawling position. At this point, it just makes him move backwards on the floor, but he is sure trying hard!
Reaching out for things he wants, including faces. Glasses, noses, ears, mouths, cheeks, bottles, toys - nothing is safe.
Interacting with the dogs. He loves to squeal so they will look at him, then he giggles. It is super cute.
Starting to fall asleep on his own with minimal soothing by me or YY. He often falls back asleep on his own if he wakes up in the middle of the night.
Loving the water.
Starting solids.

Starting solids is very bittersweet. I am not one of those ladies that loves breastfeeding, but I do understand the importance and I do enjoy the time that I have with Sam when we do breastfeed. However, it is time to introduce solids. I am taking solace in the fact that his diet will be primarily breastmilk (unless I give up on pumping, but that's a whole other post) until he is about 1 or weans himself.

We really wanted to wait until 6 months to start solids, but Sam just isn't satisfied with a liquid diet any more. He started eating 6 oz bottles every 3.5 to 4 hours a few weeks ago at daycare. He has now moved on to eating 6 oz bottles (8 oz if it is formula) every 3 hours or less. I can't pump that much, and if I could, I just don't think he would be satisfied (and his teacher agrees).

So tonight, we break out the rice cereal. Oh and we're gonna have to start baby proofing soon, too.

Where has my baby gone?

Dogs

2007-07-08T16:43:00.000-07:00

I blog so much about Sam and YY that I've neglected posting about my first babies - the dogs!

So here's a picture and an update.

In this picture, Bartleby and Sadie are trying to figure out how to add "kibble," "pigs ears," and "t-bone steaks" to the grocery list.

Bartleby: Bart is still Bart. He is still a cranky old man-dog that does what he wants when he wants. His face has gotten whiter with age and doesn't require as much park time. He is much happier sleeping all day, which is good since Sam's arrival has reduced the amount of park time we have. He isn't Sam's biggest fan, which we all expected since Sam knocked him down a rung on the family ladder. However, he tolerates Sam, and as Sam gets older, Bart seems more interested in him. I am sure that once Sam starts eating (and dropping) solid food, Bart will like him just a little more.

Sadie: Sadie is quite happy with her place at the bottom of the totem pole. She is still very happy-go-lucky and loves Sam to death. We think that they are going to be best friends. She's starting to get a little bolder with age - we caught her stealing a rack of ribs from the counter a few weeks ago. Mainly, Sadie is very content being Sadie.

I guess the dogs aren't as exciting as Sam, right now, but you know what? They will always be my first babies!

Great...

2007-07-05T21:03:00.000-07:00

It appears that we are going to have to figure out what to do about our back yard.

A little background - When we bought the house, we thought the flat area where the gardens an a beautiful shade tree were located was part of the property (they don't survey properties as part of the sale of a home around here). Apparently, we were mistaken. The City still owns it as part of the right of way.

One of the draws of this house was the fact that the back yard could be easily fenced. We got Bartleby before we bought the house and knew we needed a fenced backyard. So we promptly fenced the yard when we moved in.

For four years we heard nothing from the City and we lived in blissful ignorance. Then we got our first warning. It told us that we needed to tear down our fence or get a permit for it. We waxed and waned about what we would do if the City made us tear down the fence. We inquired about the permit and got the run-around from the City. So we ignored it. We got another warning about the fence a few months later and called again. This time they gave us the details on what we needed for the permit. It was simple, a plan showing the fence, some money and we were set. Or so we thought.

Flash forward to a year later, 2 months after Sam was born, and we got another warning about our fence. We were very confused. We had a permit, right? I know we were sleep deprived, but we were pretty sure things were all set with the permit. YY called and apparently, one of the utilities was now complaining because they couldn't access the utility pole. The City was supposed to help us resolve the issue by providing a letter to the utility.

We got a call today, apparently, the only way to resolve the issue is to revoke our permit and force us to take our fence down.

We haven't given up all hope, not quite yet. There is still other access to the utility pole through another right of way. (Of course they might insist that they want to be able to drive to the pole. If so, then they will have to take away our parking space, remove the trees, our gardens, the shade tree, and a bunch of other trees to get there...) We've also offered to put in gates so the utility could access the pole.

We'll see what happens.

If they revoke the permit, they better at least refund our money we paid for filing the permit! This is something the City should have caught the first time. Then we'll have to figure out if we put in a fence along the right-of-way or if we move.

sigh

Blob No More

2007-07-02T11:04:00.000-07:00

With the added skill of rolling from his back to his tummy, Sam is officially no longer a baby blob.

I can't leave him alone for one minute. He's figured out that he can actually get to things he wants using a combination of rolling (back to tummy, then tummy to back), scootching (He's really good at getting those legs under him!), and rotating. He even got his first little rug burn on his knees this weekend from scootching around on his blanket.

We're seriously talking about baby-proofing. Luckily, we keep the place pretty clean, because otherwise the dogs get into everything. However, I think it is time to plug those unused outlets. We might as well get a better baby gate for the stairs and the locks for the cabinets while we're at it.

I also put away his activity gym (I left the toys out), which is one of those things that has toys hanging down from it. Sam's just no longer interested. He'd rather have the toys on the floor so when he rolls over to his tummy he can play with him. Plus the activity gym just didn't have enough space for him to move around as much as he wants.

Exciting, but bittersweet.

Finally!

2007-06-28T10:45:00.001-07:00

He did it! He rolled from his back to his tummy. Thirteen weeks after he figured out how to roll from his tummy to his back. There is definitely a sense of relief on my part.

When he did it, he kind of gave me this look that said, "I knew I could do it mom, but just to make you feel better, I decided to do it for you."

I am so happy!

And, my stash of cloth diapers arrive on Monday! YY agreed to CDing part-time. We'll still be using disposables at daycare, but we'll be using CD at home. I am so excited! We have everything ready, we're just waiting for the diapers to arrive! Even using disposables part time, it is a huge cost savings.

Now if I can just stop catching colds!

A Journey of Cloth

2007-06-21T20:15:00.000-07:00

When we decided to get pregnant, I knew immediately that I wanted to look into the whole cloth diapering thing.

My research told me a few things:

The cost of cloth is less than the cost of disposables, and this is particularly true if you wash them yourself.
The environmental impacts of cloth and disposables are similar, just impacting different parts of the environment (water use v. landfills).
There are other benefits of cloth that I believe in, such as easier potty training.

So we decided to try it out. I insisted on a diaper service because I didn't want to have to rinse out poopy diapers, I didn't want to do all that laundry, and the diaper service we used had a more environmentally friendly way to clean the diapers. We used the service for about 2 months. Prefolds were delivered to our door for about 17 cents each. The service picked them up and brought clean ones once a week. We had to buy covers for the diapers, which cost us about $40 every time he moved up a size (we bought covers twice). Soon after Sam was born, we realized that he was very sensitive to being wet, although he tolerates it better now, and we wound up using disposables at night. Plus, every time Sam had a BM, the cover got dirty. I was constantly washing those darn covers!

Around 2 months after Sam was born, we were faced with the purchase of more diaper covers and day care was on the horizon. We looked at what we were spending on the cloth and discovered that we could get disposables at Costco for 15 cents each. We made the switch.

Now I knew there were other cloth diaper options out there, but I was so convinced that I wouldn't want to keep up with the laundry, that it just wasn't for me. However, the option of going back to cloth has always been in the back of my mind. I did more research and bought some sample diapers that were recommended to me.

I love the sample diapers, but I was suddenly faced with the start up costs. Our day care is willing to do cloth diapers, but I would really need to have three days worth on hand for them. Then I would need another days worth so I could actually do the laundry. I just didn't think it would be financially feasible.

Well, I just crunched the numbers. For the type of diapers I want to use, the initial cost for 4 days of diapers would be about $600-$700. Even assuming that 100% of the cost of one diaper, is my per load laundering/occasional replacement fee, the cost in the first year of use would be less than a years worth of disposables.

I am floored!

Now I just have to decide if the cost of my time to do 2 extra loads of laundry a week is worth it. Oh and there is the little matter of convincing YY to get back on the cloth bandwagon and pony up the money for the initial investment.

Hmmm....

Lessons in Daycare - #1

2007-06-19T12:24:00.000-07:00

You will get sick. Your little one may or may not. Your DH/partner probably won't. You won't have any sick time because you used it all up on your maternity leave.

Ok the lack of sick time might just be me/WA state/my employer.

I've had the flu, and a cold. Sam's had the cold (off and on for three weeks!), but not the flu. YY hasn't had either.

Time to see if I can build up my immune system.

Now I understand why

2007-06-18T10:43:00.000-07:00

All the mom's in my office told me to take 6 months off.

At the time I had to make the decision, I just couldn't see myself taking more than 4 months off, and frankly, that was stretching it. Money and the fact that I had just been promoted made me hesitate to take 6 months off. What really tipped the scales for me was that being gone through July/early August would have meant that the office was one woman down during our busy season.

But now, I know why they say 6 months.

It is exhausting, truly exhausting, to have to get up from my desk every 3 hours and pump. It takes a lot out of you. I had pumped at home before I came back, but I didn't realize how hard it would be. Not to mention the disruption to my work every three hours...

If I had stayed home for 6 months, we would have made it to the critical age where Sam would be starting solids and starting to demand less breast milk.

I guess I know for baby #2.

The Green Eyed Monster

2007-06-13T13:25:00.001-07:00

Jealousy is rearing its head at me.

Over what?

Over the fact that my son has yet to roll from his back to his tummy. Yeah. Seriously. I am so jealous of the moms on my birth board (all of our babies were due in Feb) whose little ones are rolling over from back to tummy.

And it is just over this one issue. So strange, I know.

I think, deep down, that it is a matter of worry that has evolved into jealousy. Sam rolled from his tummy to his back at 6 weeks, but he has no interest in going from his back to his tummy. I know he can roll from his back to his side and from his side to his tummy, but he has yet to put it all together into one motion. I don't know why.

Cojones

2007-06-11T09:56:00.000-07:00

I got a call this morning in the office. The caller ID said it was a Voice Mail transfer. This usually means that either the person calling was talking to someone else before me or they couldn't get a hold of one of my colleagues, so they tried to reach me instead.

This time, it wasn't either (at least I don't think anyway). It was a recruiter. Now this isn't the first time that I have had a recruiter call me at work, but this is the first time I actually let her talk. She was recruiting for a job with a company downtown that was WAY above my current position. I had to keep myself from busting out laughing, to be honest.

Besides the fact that I love my current job, I couldn't imagine taking on something new with a 4 month old baby. Plus, I can't give up my cushy, 25-hr a week work week. ;)

It just takes a lot of cojones to call someone a their office to see if they want a new job. If I did, would I really be willing to discuss it while I was in the office?

2007-06-06T07:49:00.000-07:00

I didn't make it home until about 5:30 last night. Rain combined with a baseball game made for bad traffic. By the time I got home, he was taking a nap.

Now, we aren't ones to deny Sam any nap. When he needs to sleep, he needs to sleep. Unfortunately, sometimes these evening naps extend to bed time, and last night was one of those nights. I didn't get to see him at all after I got home!

On one hand it was a pretty quiet night. YY got to put his grill together and I got to get ready for the next day without having to worry about if Sam was ok. Plus, YY and I had a nice quiet dinner.

But I didn't get to see my baby!!!!!!

Sure, I got to dream feed him before I went to bed. Sure, he slept for 7 hrs straight (a new record!). Sure, I got to see him when he woke up for his middle of the night feeding.

But he didn't wake up during his dream feed (as he shouldn't). But after his 7 hr stretch, he was up every hour. But when he woke up for his middle of the night feeding and realized it was me, he cracked a huge grin and a giggle and wanted to play.

At least the smile made my heart melt.

This morning, I made sure that we had some quality time together when I fed him. Plus I got him ready for the day instead of YY. I had to give up my pilates work out, but I can make that up. It was worth it to see my little boy.

Working Mom

2007-06-04T20:24:00.001-07:00

Yep, that's what I am. How'd that happen????

The first day back at the office was rough. There were plenty of people to catch up with and plenty of stories to tell.

I only almost cried twice, but I sure missed my little guy. I am sure it will get easier. It has to. Right?

Sam had a rough day, too. He was cranky in the morning and wanted to be held by his teachers (shades of his first day there). I guess he perked up in the afternoon though. Of course, this means I am going to be worried all day tomorrow, too.

At least this time, he only had 3 bottles (which is what I can pump) instead of 4!

Back to Work!

2007-06-03T10:09:00.000-07:00

Well, I officially go back to work on Monday. I am just a mixture of emotions. Sometimes I am freaking out. Sometimes I am excited. Sometimes I am sad. Sometimes I am glad. It is just crazy!

After being off for 4 months, I am just not sure what it is going to be like going back. I put in 10 hrs at work last week, and it nearly wiped me out! How am I going to manage 25?

I know it will be an adjustment. Leaving Sam is going to be tough, but I will cherish the days home with him more. I have to learn, once again, how much work I can fit into a week, since I won't be working 40 hrs now.

But you know what? I have so much support waiting for me when I get back. There are two other moms that work 25 hrs in my group, one of whom is my immediate supervisor. Everyone in the office seems to support my desire to come back part time. Heck, they'd be surprised if I came back full time!

My only concern at this point is balancing my career with my family. I am just starting to move up the ranks in terms of project management and being able to choose the work I do. I am so excited by this prospect that I am worried that I will over extend myself. I know I will figure it out, but it will be tough for a while.

It's been a while...

2007-05-28T09:29:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, but there are more important things right now. :)

First and foremost, I am so in love with my little boy. You always hear about it, but you just don't know the depth until you experience it. I never thought I could be happy just watching another human being sleep, eat, and play.

The last three and a half months have been some of the hardest days and some of the best days of my life. I wouldn't trade a single one. (Ok, maybe one or two of those rough nights.)

So here's an update on us:

Still not sleeping through the night, but he no longer needs to be rocked to sleep or to sleep in a sling. He's sleeping in his crib in his own room, too. He's started napping a little more consistently and has set his own sleep schedule (7 pm to 5 am with one feeding and one or two brief wake-ups).
I go back to work in one week. As excited as I am to go back to work (I love my job!), I am so sad to have to leave my baby. It has been me and him since he was 3.5 weeks old. The truth is, I know that going to work will make me a better mom. My job is a huge part of who I am, and in the long run, I think I would regret loosing that part of me.
As part of me going back to work, we started transitioning Sam into daycare. The first day was really hard. I was in the room with him the whole time, but tried so hard to not attend to him because he needed to learn to trust his teachers. He cried whenever he wasn't being held. I had to resist the urge to run out of the room screaming "Nevermind. Give our spot to someone else!" By the third day (he'll only be going 3 days a week), he was handling things like a pro. This week, we get to try it without me actually being in the room.
Sam has his first cold. It isn't too bad so far. He has a little trouble sleeping because his nose gets stuffy, but he is generally in good spirits. I hope he feels better soon!

Sleep

2007-03-21T09:29:00.000-07:00

Oh, how I miss you.

It has been a rough week. Sam is finally starting to nap during the day, which is great, but the last few nights have been rough. He's been waking himself up with gas around 10-11 pm (after going to sleep between 8 and 9 pm), waking up at 1-2 am to eat again, then up at 5-6 am to eat and be up for the day. The 5-6 am actually will work out well when he starts going to daycare, but right now there are mornings where I wish he would just sleep a little longer.

I know it doesn't sound too bad, but the last couple of mornings, he's been up before 5 am and just not going back to sleep. I am not getting my 8 hrs. I need 8 hrs. Desperately.

I am looking forward to when he will actually sleep 8 hrs or more in a stretch. I am looking forward to not having to go to sleep at 8 pm, just to get my 8 hrs in.

Soon, hopefully soon, sleep and I will become reacquainted.

Sam Update

2007-03-04T17:13:00.000-08:00

He's doing good. We went to the doctor on Thursday for his 2 week check up and he is growing like a weed! He was 9 lbs 2 oz (up 5 from birth) and 22 in (up 2 from birth). Y measured him today and he seems to be 23 in now! I guess he's getting enough to eat, huh?

After a few challenges, we seem to be settling into being parents. No routine yet, but the little guy is only 2 weeks old. We're getting to know him better everyday, and it is great.

A little nervous about Y going back to work on the 12th. I've never spent the whole day with him. It should be interesting. I do have my mom to help me out if I get totally overwhelmed!

Induction

2007-02-13T16:44:00.000-08:00

Edited to say, apparently, not Friday, but tomorrow!

Well, it's official. I will be induced on Friday, barring some unforeseen emergency at the hospital or the little guy's arrival before then. I don't have an actual time, but probably will get the call to go to the hospital in the morning. They have a priority list based on when people are due and other important factors. I should be pretty high on the list since I will be 13 days overdue at that point.

Pretty nervous at this point. I know that being induced means I won't have the exact birth experience I was looking for, but I am going to try my hardest to make it work.

Besides, at the end of the day, I will have my baby boy and that's all that really matters.

(almost) 4 days overdue

2007-02-06T20:16:00.001-08:00

(almost) 2 days until my birthday

Didn't Expect That!

2007-02-02T19:33:00.000-08:00

Last day of work, right? I went in this morning thinking I wouldn't make it past noon. I was tired and I had nothing to do. Well I managed to find enough work to keep me there all day. Not so bad, because it means the vacation time I would have had to take today gets to be used while I am on leave. That's #1.

#2 - The amount of love and support I felt as I was leaving. I had so many people come and give me hugs and just be plain excited for me. I had other mom's tell me that I could call them up any time for a walk or lunch or just another mom to talk to. It was amazing. :)

Finally, as I was driving away, I realized something. I am scared out of my mind. I won't be an engineer for the next 4 months. I will be a mom. It made everything so real. As long as I was working and he was still in me, it wasn't so bad. Take one of those factors away, and suddenly, I am scared. More scared than I have ever been in my life. I wasn't prepared for that! I've always look on this as an exciting prospect, and I look forward to the new chapter in my life. However, the reality is, I am scared.

Well that was short

2007-02-01T14:03:00.000-08:00

The content feeling is gone. I am exhausted, both emotionally and physically. I am uncomfortable and frustrated. I just want to have this baby.

And I haven't even made it to my due date!

(We'll be discussing induction at my appointment next week, which it sounds like I will make it to.)

Content?

2007-01-30T08:14:00.000-08:00

I've been reading on my pregnancy board how a lot of moms just get entirely uncomfortable, both emotionally and physically, right before going into labor. While I am anxious for the little guy to be born, I am not uncomfortable. Not physically or mentally.

I was a basket case two weeks ago, but today, not so much. Sure I was up for 1.5 hrs in the middle of the night unable to sleep, but I am at work this morning. Sure I am ready for bed early, but I still get a decent night's sleep. I still analyze every little movement and twinge, but I seem to know they aren't going anywhere. It is almost like I just know I have a while longer and there is nothing to get too excited about.

I am still hoping he will come on his own and I won't have to be induced. I am still confident that my body can birth this baby (even if he is a 9 pounder!). Right now, I just feel content with the way things are going.

Last Week of Work

2007-01-29T07:26:00.000-08:00

Today is the last Monday I have to show up to work for about 4 months. I am here because a)I slept well this weekend and b) I don't think he is coming any time soon.

I am excited about going on leave. Maybe relaxing will help speed things up. Who knows. Honestly, I am just mostly scared as to what I am going to do with myself between Feb 3 and when the little guy actually shows up. I have always worked or been in school, doing something, for as long as I can remember. I don't know what it is going to be like to do nothing. I know that I will drive myself crazy if I do nothing. I have to do something, but the whole point of not working is to relax, right? This is just a confusing mess!

I've already started compiling a list of things I could do during the week:

Daily walks with the dogs
Address announcement envelopes
Prepare some meals ahead of time
Clean the basement
Give the floors another good cleaning

I suppose if I tackle one of these each day (besides the walks), I should keep myself somewhat busy. Right?

Your Mother's Labor

2007-01-22T06:34:00.000-08:00

We went to dinner with my parents last night. It gave me a chance to ask my mom about what her labors were like. I knew she was three weeks late with me and I was under stress in the womb, but that was about it.

She told me that she was having the same "pre-labor" contractions that would stick around for a few hours, often getting more intense, then just stop. She was in this pattern for a long time, apparently. She says with me she was in labor most of the day, then things quieted down around 1 am, she slept for a couple of hours and woke up ready to go to the hospital about an hour or two later. The good thing? She was only in active labor, transition, and pushing (3 pushes!) for about 4 hours.

Apparently she had a similar experience with my brother, only he wasn't rushed off for testing right after he was born. ;)

I have no idea what this is going to be like for me, but it will be interesting to see how it compares to what my mom experienced.

Frustration

2007-01-19T11:52:00.000-08:00

I thought I could work up until the baby was born. I thought things would be slow. I thought it would be a nice transition into being home with the baby. Or so I thought...

Last week, one project manager started freaking out because he realized I was leaving after Feb 2 (or sooner) so he suddenly had all this work for me to do. But, right before that I agreed to help on what I thought would be a small undertaking. Of course it has now evolved into a project that a) would require at least 40 hrs and b) needs to be done yesterday. And I finally got comments back on a report I wrote and need to get out the door before I leave. And I have some administrative stuff to finish up before I leave. Why did it get so busy!

If I was convinced that I was going to be here through Feb 2, I think I could handle it, but right now, I am completely overwhelmed. I've already handed off what I can. I guess I just have to prioritize and finish what I can before the little guy arrives.

Progress

2007-01-16T17:18:00.000-08:00

Well there was progress in the last week. I am now 2 cm dilated and 60% effaced. At least there was progress. After the day of irregular contractions yesterday, I would have been pretty disappointed if I hadn't progressed. I think I was secretly hoping the doctor would tell me that it was time to go to the hospital. She still seems to think I could go any day now...

At least we are prepared. We have a car seat in the car, we have diapers arriving on Friday (and back ups in case he comes early), he has a place to sleep. We're both getting anxious. Hopefully it will be soon...

anxious and apprehensive

2007-01-12T08:04:00.000-08:00

Up until this morning, I was feeling really good. Ready for the baby, ready to be a mom, just ready.

Yesterday wasn't bad. I stayed home from work because of weather. I made the decision that I would rather be close to home (and the hospital) in case something should happen then have to go from work to the hospital (about 20 miles) on icy roads. So I finished up some sewing, washed all the clothes I got at the shower, put together the bouncy chair, and cleaned our bedroom and bathroom. I definitely wasn't feeling high energy yesterday (like I had been previously) and I had a headache all day.

Today, I am a wreck! I am very emotional, tired, and frankly a little uncomfortable. Tomorrow is 37 weeks. He is welcome to come at any time. However, this makes me very anxious and apprehensive. I am starting to freak out! I thought I had gotten past all this. I thought I was ready. I thought I was ok.

Hopefully, I can just make it through the day at work without breaking down or having too many people tell me that I look like I am ready to have this baby.

Yeah!

2007-01-09T15:10:00.000-08:00

So I just had my ultrasound and 36 week check up.

As I guessed, Peanut is a little big for his age, but not too bad. He's in the 84th percentile measuring 7 lbs 6 oz (and these things have a 10% error). They didn't seem worried. It was good to see him though. At my 20 wk ultrasound, we weren't able to look at his face because he was hiding, so we didn't get to see if he had a cleft palate or any other facial problems. This time, we got a nice view of his face and everything looks good. I think he has his daddy's nose. ;)

After a yummy lunch (thanks YY!), I headed back for my now weekly checkup. I got to see my normal doctor and she gave me the impression that she wouldn't have even sent me for the additional ultrasound. She is not worried about him at all. She did check to see how I am progressing. I am 1 cm dilated and 20% effaced. Of course, I could walk around for weeks like this... She mentioned that if I went full term, he would probably be an 8 lb 6 oz boy, but that was only if I went full term. She seemed to hint that she didn't think I would make it that far. :)

Oh yeah the best part? I only gained 1 lb over the last two weeks. This is a HUGE feat for me!
Still riding the good appointment high!

Productive Weekend...

2007-01-07T19:23:00.000-08:00

This weekend we have:

Finished painting the nursery
Decided that the nursery needed a border and ordered it
Packed the hospital bag
Got the bassinet ready
Assembled and decorated what we could in the nursery
Sewed covers for the pads for the rocking chair, a swaddling blanket for peanut, and a maya wrap
Washed all the baby clothes
Went out to a really nice dinner
Made dinner for the week
Wrote our birth plan

I feel so productive!

This flurry of activity may or may not have been brought on by the fact that I was starting to think I was going into labor on Saturday morning. Luckily, it passed, but I was so worried that he would come before everything was ready for him!

Big

2006-12-28T08:54:00.000-08:00

For the third appointment in a row I am measuring big. So now I am heading in for an ultrasound to get a better estimate of Peanut's size. I know my family has big babies (my brother was over 9.5 lbs), so I am not too surprised.

I am, however, worried. The first doctor I saw when I started to really measure big (who is not my regular doctor) said that they might want to speed things up if they think he is getting too big. This is something I am not comfortable with. I am not one of the hippie, granola moms, but I do believe in letting him stay in there until he is ready to come. Now once we are past my due date, you can talk to me about inducing, but I am not comfortable with inducing before then.

So now I am just anxious for my ultrasound and to get the chance to talk to my regular doctor. She hasn't been concerned about his size up to this point, but I also haven't seen her for a month. One of the reasons that I like her is that she lets me make a lot of the decisions based on what I feel is right for me and my baby. She'll offer guidance, but unless she sees a valid medical reason, she won't push anything on me. Here's hoping it stays that way.

Ouch!

2006-12-19T13:49:00.000-08:00

I seem to say that at least once per day to my tummy. No contractions (not even Braxton-Hicks that I can feel). It is the baby pushing on my stomach. At any given time, I can feel his butt somewhere above my belly button. I know it is getting cramped in there, but does he have to push so hard? I am convinced he is going to pop out of there just like in the movie Alien.

I guess I should be thankful knowing he is head down. I suppose I should be happy that this has reduced the swift kicks to the ribs, too.

And officially starting to feel better..

2006-12-11T12:36:00.000-08:00

We had two more classes this weekend, and I feel so much better. I learned some things, and remembered other things from when Thomas was little. I really feel much better about caring for him when he arrives. :)

Oh and it looks like we may have a middle name. Just waiting on the final go ahead from my MIL. (In case you didn't know... Our kids will have Chinese names, which will be used as middle names. We're letting YY's parents pick out names, but we have to approve of them.)

Now, just to tackle everything else on the to-do list.

Offically Scared

2006-12-04T14:18:00.000-08:00

We toured the birthing center this weekend. I am officially scared. It isn't the pain that worries me (although maxi pads filled with ice were mentioned!). It isn't the facilities that worry me (they are top in the state).

During the tour it hit me. I am not just carrying this baby for 40 weeks. I don't trade the baby for a piece of paper or a promotion on Feb 3. I actually will have a human being that is dependent on me. I am responsible for someone else's growth and development!

Sure, I've known this all along, but it was just so real this weekend.

Of course, I am very blessed to have this opportunity. I know there are so many people that would love to be in my position. Doesn't mean I can't be scared!

6 more appointments!

2006-12-01T08:23:00.000-08:00

Wow! At the end of my monthly check up for the baby, I scheduled the remaining appointments for my pregnancy. I have three bi-weekly appointments, then I start going every week. There are only 6 appointments until my due date (the last one is two days before my EDD!). We scheduled one for the week after, too.

It makes me realize just how close it is. Scary and exciting all at the same time.

I guess I should get started on my list of things to accomplish before he gets here!

oops!

2006-11-30T09:46:00.000-08:00

So it has been a little chilly in my neck of the woods. (I know it is nothing compared to what other people have to deal with, but there's a reason I don't live there. ;)) Cold enough to turn on the fireplace at night for a little extra heat. (It is gas with a glass front; it puts off a lot of heat.) I did just that when I got home last night. Figured I would curl up by the fire with my laptop and try to work a few extra hours. I moved the coffee table over, to what I thought was a safe distance from the fireplace and sat down. As I was sitting, I briefly touched some bare skin on my back to the glass! Ouch! I wound up with what I think are first degree burns, but I have some blistering... All this because the baby went through a growth spurt, so my tummy is bigger and I just couldn't judge how much space I needed. I feel like a maroon.

Luckily, I am going to the doctor today, so I will mention the burns, along with the constant heart burn and the snoring. It should prove to be an interesting trip to the doctor's today. :)

One Tech Term Left

2006-11-24T10:32:00.000-08:00

10 weeks. I can't believe it is getting so close. I know he could be earlier or later, but I have a gut feeling he will be pretty much right on time.

I am not sure how I am feeling. I am excited to see him, but I feel like there is so much more to do before he gets here. After this weekend, I know that Y and I will be very, very busy, and the calendar just seems to get fuller. I don't mind filling the calendar because it is mostly with things Y and I want to do, but every time we mark something off the calendar, it means we are one week closer. Just lots of conflicted feelings, I guess. :)

Musings, Reflections, Whatever you want to call it

2006-11-07T12:07:00.000-08:00

I am pretty close to entering the third and final trimester. It has been an interesting ride, which promises to only get more interesting during the third trimester.

The first trimester was hard. Not telling most people, being exhausted all the time, obviously putting on weight, not looking like I was pregnant, gaining way too much weight. Yeah it was rough.

The second trimester really made up for it though. Finding out that he's a he, feeling him move, watching my belly turn into a pregnant belly, actually feeling good enough to do things (i.e. China), feeling like I am slowly turning into a mom. It has overall been a good middle of the pregnancy.

So as I start into the final three months (or so), I am trying to keep the postiveness that the second trimester brought. I have a baby shower to look forward to, I get to make a space just for him, I get to see him, and hold him, and teach him, and show him the world. These are all things that I am really looking forward to. I know there will be rough patches, but hopefully if I can continue to remind myself of the good things that will come.

total idiot or complete genius?

2006-10-31T14:43:00.000-08:00

You decide!

Every year in my office we have a contest to guess the number of candies in some sort of container. This year, it was a bucket. My guess? 236. The actual number? 245. The winning guess? 236, but it wasn't me. I forgot to put my name on the paper with my guess.

Now ask yourself, did I really need 245 pieces of candy in my house? ;)

Quick Update

2006-10-30T09:07:00.000-08:00

We made it back from China with no problems. I am still jet lagged, eventhough we got in last Thursday.

We have lots and lots of pictures to go through and assemble into something that tells the story of the trip. I will try and post more once that is done.

Overall it was a good time. It was a very interesting time. I enjoyed meeting all of YY's extended family and learned a lot about their family dynamics. You always understand just a little more where people come from when you meet extended family.

Frustrated

2006-10-02T12:26:00.000-07:00

As vacation approaches, I am getting more and more frustrated with work.

I am being ignored by one of the people that is supposed to review my report. It is already late! If I don't get comments by tomorrow morning, I am going to be pulling an all nighter before I leave.

I didn't get to change cubes because it apparently is going to someone "who deserves it." I just want to be closer to the people I work with so they don't forget about me over here.

I still haven't gotten my promotion for passing the P.E. We were promised "mid-year" promotions. If the last set of promotions was effective April 1, wouldn't mid-year be October 1?

To top it off, I miscalculated exactly how much vacation time I need for my trip, so I have to somehow cram an extra 4 hours in before I leave. Luckily, I should have enough work for that.

sigh

Movement

2006-09-25T13:39:00.001-07:00

I've been feeling Peanut for about a month now. At first, I had to sit very still and really pay attention. Not so much anymore - I can feel him without even trying. It feels like little kicks to me. :) Somedays it seems constant and others it is minimal, but there are times I am pretty much guaranteed to feel him. He wakes me up in the morning around 6:30 am, if I am not already awake. He's usually moving after dinner, espically last week when we had french onion soup. He either loves onions or hates 'em. :) I almost always feel him at work and before bed, until about 8:30 pm.

Up until last night, it was just me feeling Peanut move, but YY finally really felt him in there last night. He'd been trying to feel Peanut move for a while now. It was very cool to share that experience with him. :)

Now if the beagle would understand that when the baby kicks at him, the beagle needs to get off my stomach. ;)